I'm a train wreck

Monday I was an emotional train wreck. I suffer from clinical depression and it hit me hard Monday. Thank God my shrink was able to see me.

I know a big part of it too is the woman I love doesn't feel the same for me. Okay so it's time to move on and get over it. Easier said than done.

How bad am I? I eat once a day, almost called in sick to work, don't enjoy anything and can't stand listening to music. I've discovered that music is an indicater of my moods. Right now all I'll listen to is either talk radio or comedy I've downloaded. When I'm listening to music, that means I'm in a good mood. If I'm listening to nothing but talk then something is majorly wrong. Weird I know but that's something I've discovered.

In the depth of my depression, I decided one way to get out of it is to meet new people. I'm embarking an attempt at online dating. Three days into my profile going up and I've had four responses with one an out right rejection. I've decided I'm going to be pretty aggressive in my search.

Well, here's looking up your skirt.

Pope JP III

Life can suck

I guess we all know life can suck. Sometimes I think things are going too good and I expect something bad to happen. This week it did.

I can't trust the woman I thought I loved. What kind of love is that? She confessed something to me that upset me greatly. She knows she upset me and hurt me and does know how I feel about her. Right now I'm just hurt and depressed. I hope someone takes joy in my misery!

On top of that I found out my ex-girlfriend has a brain tumor. I really shouldn't call her my ex anymore. We were last together as a couple in 2001. Despite that we remain really close friends.

For months she'd been complaining about headaches. She couldn't go to the doctor because there was a 90 day wait on benefits for her new job. June 1 the insurance kicked in and on June 6 she went for a complete physical. A scan revealed a tumor on the right side of her brain. Pending a biopsy, it's unknown if it cancer or not. I pray to God it's not.

This woman has the worst luck of anyone I know. Granted some of it is of her own doing and some of it is just plain shitty luck. When she does stuff like walk off her job abruptly it's hard to muster any sympathy for her. She lost her apartment. She lives with a friend and friend's husband but I get the feeling he's not too thrilled about her and her kid being there. She won't admit it but I think she's fucking around with an old boyfriend of hers from a few years ago. Whatever, she's got issues. All I can do now is play shrink to her. That's okay cause she does the same for me.

Only good news for me this week: My Beloved San Antonio Spurs won a fourth NBA Championship. Now the on going debate is whether or not they are a dynasty. I don't buy it. At least not yet. Yeah, they've won consistently for a decade and won four titles in nine years. But do they rank up there with the runs that the Showtime Lakers, Russell's Celtics or Jordon's Bulls? I don't think so. At least not yet. Repeat or get another title or two in over the next three years. I'll change my thinking then.

That's it for now.

Pope JPTHREE

Is there anything wrong with taking pure unadulterated pleasure at
another's misery?  I'm I that unhappy and miserable in my own life that I
like seeing others suffer?  Or is it I just enjoy watching someone reap
what they sow?

I'll be honest, I don't take joy in an other person's misery.  Death, loss
of valuable items, destruction of property are things I don't enjoy
befalling on anyone.  What a person works hard for and earns, I don't want
to see that taken away from them in any manner.  Someone should be able to
enjoy the fruits of his labor without worrying about loss, theft or
otherwise deprived of earned fruits.

What I do enjoy is someone who is self righteous, lazy and a hypocrite
fall flat on her face.  This person, a coworker of mine, assumed a certain job
was hers.  That the interviews were a mere show and that she would get the job.

A little background here.  The place I work operates 24 hours a day, 7
days a week including weekends.  We have four shifts that work 12 hours a
day for four days and then have four days off.  After the four days off, a
shift comes back to work four 12 hour nights.  We never close down
except in extreme cases like a hurricane.  We work through holidays (at a
premium rate) and weekends.  We also work plenty of overtime.  Some times the
OT is voluntary and sometimes it's not.

There are very few straight day jobs that are not management or technical
staff.  One of our sections is straight day 9 to 5 no weekends, no
holidays.  Being a union site, vacancies in this section were filled by
seniority.  For some god forsaken reason, the union agreed to let
management fill those positions by interviewing and selecting who they
want.  Management uses the day jobs as a carrot to dangle in front of
certain people to do their bidding.

My fellow technician thought the job was hers.  She bragged about how
she loved working days.  How her people over there loved her.  See, she was
a backfill for when someone over there was off sick or on vacation.  For a
position like this, management wants someone who is active with
different committees, volunteers to train others and are basically suck ups.  The
unspoken requirement is that they want you to sell someone down the
river and give management all the dirt on what's going on in the work place.
However it appears they want a self motivated go getter, not someone
they had to tell to meet all the written and unwritten requirements.

This person is a church going God fearing person but will screw you
over in a heart beat if she thought it would get her the day job.  When she was
filling in for someone on the day section, it was somehow convenient
that it happened every holiday so she could be off.  She did no one here any
favors.  She gets indignant when you ask her a question or for help. 
She is very selfish.  She'll work a several days in a row of overtime and then
call in sick at the last minute cause she's tired.  She's lazy.  She
won'tfinish her work sometimes because she's done for the day and the next
shift can do it.  She's gotten phone calls requesting something to be done. 
She won't  pick up the phone after she's paged.  She leaves the job she
worked a mess and doesn't resupply what she's used up.

The first time she didn't get the day job they told her it was because
she wasn't involved with any committees and they wanted her more involved
in extracurricular work activities.  She joins one safety committee to
make it look like she tries.

In comes another person and actually starts doing all the
extracurricular stuff.  Not only does he go to the meetings, he actually comes up with
safety programs.  He comes in and rolls up his sleeves and worked to
improve the work area.  He actively lobbied to get new safer equipment. 
He had changes made to things to improve safety.  You could see the visible
affects he had on the work area.  He accomplished things while the other
one just went to an occasional meeting.

Lo and behold, another day job opened up.  The fat lazy worker thought
she
was a shew in.  She walked around here with a swagger, a holier than
though
attitude, a God loves me more than you air about her.  I guess since
God
loved her more none of the heathens would get the job.

I would have loved to be a fly on the wall when they told her she
didn't
get the job.  Right now the word is that she's upset.

I take complete joy in watching this lazy, fat, arrogant, self
righteous
bitch fall flat on her face.  She tried to play a game and got burned. 
A
young go getter beat her to the finish line.

Yes, I take utter joy in her misery.  I'm glad she didn't get the job. 
I
think she got what she deserved.  I guess God does have a sense of
humor
too.