Brain Games

I truly believe my subconscience talks to me. I previously described my dreams about the snakes and fish and how my bestest friend EVAR translated it to the women in my life.

My latest dreams weren't so subtle. In fact they were hitting me over the head. They were very clear of intent.

On August 27, 2009 I'll complete two years of sobriety. No alcohol or sleeping pill abuse. I did the rehab stint (third time is a charm) and never looked back. Basically it's been sheer will power and inner strength. It was hard at first and I still have my temptations but the worst is over.

Back to the dreams. For two nights in a row, I dreamed of and relived my memories of being in jail and going to court. In one dream I was up on a new charge of drunk driving and looking at prison time. I was scared and felt hopeless. That all I'd rebuilt over the last two years was lost. I would have been better off dead.

Each day I'd wake up and thank God for letting me get another chance at life. I could have lost it all. God is extremely merciful. Two years ago was my third strike. I was let off the hook with a wrist slap. I walked away with one year probation and a year license suspension. The guy before me in court did jail time and four years probation with a felony record. The judge reduced me to a misdemeanor. I can only chalk it up to God being there with me in court that day.

The dreams, I believe, are my mind and subconscience's way of reminding me how far I've come in life and how much I stand to lose.

I've cleaned myself up and things are better than ever before. I live in a beautiful place, drive two vehicles that I like (and not some beaten up old hoopty), have great friends who helped me during my troubles and a pain in the ass family that loves me in spite of the troubles I've caused.

So in a way I say thanks to my twisted mind for reminding me, not that I need it, how far I've come and how much I can lose.

Have a great night,
The Grateful Pope

P.S. - As always, smack the snot out of some kid today. You'll feel better aftwards.

Damn Fish

Man what a day. I did nothing but went fishing. Just me and the elements. Unfortunately the elements won. I'll sit through a rain storm. I won't sit through lightning while on the water. That's just not smart.

Fuck and the fish were biting to. And then the rain came. I stayed. The fish still were there. Then the thunder came. I stayed. The fish were still hungry. Then the lightning flashed. I called it a day.

The fish are probably laughing and calling me a pussy. Fuck you fish. I'll have the last laugh when you're on the plate next a slice of lemon and covered in tartar sauce.

No Woman, No Cry

I've got some friends MIA right now. I haven't heard from three of my friends in a while. I'm way beyond being the concerned bothering type. I figure if they will contact me if and when things get better. I am concerned but I've learned I can only live for myself and not others.

That said, I'm one happy mother fucker. Not for any particular reason. I just am. My life, except for Sophia, is going right. Even with things not going as planned with Sophia I'm still pretty good.

Violet is off dry humping herself or someone in Mexico right now. I could careless what the fuck she's up to. All I know is she's paid me her portion of the cell phone bill and that's all that matters to me right now.

I've been hanging around a lot with Rebecca lately. Despite our relationship not working out we still enjoy each others company. She's a lot of fun. Plus she's good to keep around for those times she gets horny.

As with Violet, I tread lightly with Rebecca. I keep my eyes open for signs that she might think we have a chance to get back together. I'd be lying if I said the thought hadn't crept into my mind. When it does I just remind myself how that whole relationship blew up like the atom bomb over Hiroshima. It wasn't a pretty ending and the fall out was devastating.

She talks about maybe us taking vacations together and has been inviting me over to her place more often. This is a first. She even wants to cook me dinner. That's never happened before. Even when we were dating. On the surface, I think she's just lonely and knows I have no major commitments other than work. Plus I'm an easy lay as one of my female coworkers so eloquently put it.

Things are just sailing along smoothly for me. No worries. My job is secure, my friends are well, family contact is minimal and football is about to start. Life is good.