I CAN'T FUCKING SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the frustration is building. My sleep cycle is so screwed up thanks to 14 years of shift work. It's 2:00 a.m. and I'm laying bed wondering when the fuck am I going to fall asleep. I worked the day shift and started my day at 4:30 a.m. the previous day. Yet it's 2 a.m. and I'm tossing and turning.

I have several issues with the way management is using me right now at work. By all rights I should no longer work nights except for overtime and the occasional time when it's necessary to cover vacation. I have seniority over several people that are working straight days.

One coworker that is junior to me came over in the transfer with me in 2009. She hasn't worked a night shift since the move. Another worker is junior to me by several years and she hasn't worked a night shift EVER. A contractor was brought in and he is working a straight day job. Two new hires are training. Once one of them gets trained enough I better start working day shift only.

I need to at least start medication to help me sleep. I use Lunesta but that shit only works occasionally and doesn't help me sleep through the night. My prescription ran out so I thought I'd give it whirl without meds. According to what I read, a short period of insomnia happens when you quit using the drug but you should recover quick. It's been two weeks. That's more than enough time.

I've tried Rozerm, melatonin, Ambien and Ambien CR. Rozerm and melatonin do nothing. Ambien makes me sleep walk and sleep eat. Ambien CR helps me sleep through the night.

I have two theories on the Ambien sleep walking/eating. At the time it happened, I was under enormous stress. I really have no clue when exactly it started but it happened after I picked up my third DWI. The other contributing factor was that Ambien went generic. For whatever reason, Ambien generic might be slightly different. I think the combination of my mental state and generic change may have caused my issues with Ambien. Afterward that episode, my doctor refused to give me the CR version too.

Right now I'm at wits end. I'm frustrated with the situation at work. The more I think about it the angrier I get. The angrier I get the less I can sleep. The less I sleep the angrier I get. The angrier I get the more frustrated I get. It's creating a vicious cycle.

I see a new shrink at the first of the year. I don't know if I should wait for him or see my personal doctor about the sleep issues I'm having.

On the seniority front, I need to talk to my Union rep and see what we can do about me bumping people off the day shifts they aren't entitled to.

Your Insomniac Pope,
JP III the Sleepy

Mary Jane Update

I should have fucking updated this blog as the events with Mary Jane unfolded. The entries would have been more compelling instead of one big blur.

Anyway, I knew how this was going to end. I knew what she was up to when I met her.

MJ is from the same eastern European country my ex Rebecca is from. MJ's student visa ran out and she needs someone to sponsor or marry her for a green card. I was the target.

So we go out and have a good time in general. I take her to nice restaurants, we go to movies and just enjoy each others company. The whole time though I keep my heart in check.

One day Rebecca calls me in a semi-panic. "You're not gonna marry this girl are you?"

"What? No. I know she's up to something. I knew it was just a matter of time before she asked me to help her get her papers in line."

"Well don't be surprised if she asks you this weekend."

Sure enough, right after I talked with Rebecca, MJ sends me a text message: I need to see you. We need to talk. It's very important.

I put it off for a week with work excuses. Why? Cause I'm to busy giggling over the situation.

Finally the day comes. She asks me to meet her at a local restaurant for coffee. I say okay and we shot the shit. I kept waiting and waiting for my marriage proposal. It never came. So I suggested a movie. We went to see "Due Date." Fucking hilarious.

After the date she dropped me off at my car but stopped me.

She said,"I may as well ask you. You know my situation. Can you help me out?"

Me, being one who doesn't like hints, replied,"Help you out? How?"

"You know what I'm asking. I feel comfortable with you. I like you. Think about it."

I said,"Listen. I have a lot to lose by doing this. I'd have to protect myself from financial and property losses if it ever came to that."

"Please think about it. I'm sure we could be happy. I'll sign anything you want. My friend was in the same situation. She met a guy and they married. She signed all the he wanted. They are very happy now."

"It's not that easy for me. This is something I don't take lightly. I'm not saying you are up to anything bad. But I am taking a lot of risk for little reward while you reap the benefits. Plus I'm not sure my family would accept you because."

"Why wouldn't they accept me?"

"Because they would know it's a marriage of convenience and not one out of love."

"Well think about it."

With that she leaned over and kissed me. A sweet kiss. She let go of my hand and I walked to my car.

Yes I did think about it. I even talked to one of my lawyer buddies and he said that a prenup most likely would hold up in court.

In the end, I know it would have been wrong. So many reasons why. It was nice being a couple for a brief period. I liked having a beautiful woman with me. There just was no feelings on my part. None whatsoever. What basis is that for a relationship much less a marriage?

I haven't seen her since that night. So long Mary Jane...okay so I'm still giggling about it.

The Eve of Life?

I had my first date with Mary Jane last Sunday. More on that and other things later.

My friend's mother died recently. Tonight was the visitation. Thankfully it was closed casket. I can't stand seeing the body of person I don't know. Relatives is one thing but someone I don't know personally bothers me.

As usual with such circumstances one reflects on life. I look back on some of the things I've been through and done. I realized I have few regrets. My drinking, my DWIs, Sophia are about the only things in my life I've let get away from me. The ex-girlfriends I don't regret. Even if things didn't work out, I got to know love and closeness and tenderness. I know in the future I more than likely will again.

I'm going to be 42. At this age I don't think many of my friends see the end. I don't sense the end yet but I know 20 or 30 years down the year I will see it. Does it bother me? Not in the least. I'm not afraid of death. I don't want to die just yet but when my time comes I believe I can handle it.

In reality I'd love to live to be at least a 100 with my wit and dry sense of humor still intact. Since I don't have or want children, I'd like to die with a dear friend, spiritual adviser or an still unborn great niece or nephew. It's not a sad thought. It's reality.

I hope when I pass on that people celebrate my life. I don't want mourning. I want the people who I care about to smile or laugh when they think of me. The ones I don't like or care about I don't give a shit what they think.

Happy thoughts tonight...night.

The Friends Before Relationship Myth

There is a myth perpetuated by those that don't know any better. The myth states that a couple that is great friends will have a long lasting committed strong relationship. BULLSHIT!

I was talking to a coworker of mine who recently went through a divorce. He asked me if I'd ever been married. I said no. So he asked if I was cool with being unmarried or would I consider marriage. I said it's not a priority but I'm not against marriage. It would take an extraordinary woman for me to truly love and marry. But I'm not one of those people who conform to the "norms" of society just to satisfy others.

He asked me how long I was in my last relationship (Rebecca). I told him four years. But I'm not sure because we were great friends before and some where we crossed that line. We didn't even admit it to our friends for a while. It wasn't til a friend of ours noticed how we looked at each other cornered me and asked me about it. Then we were officially outed. He was amazed that we lasted four years without getting married. He thought two years was max and that a decision had to be made then. I said buddy that isn't the way it works. It was in year three I decided we were done but I was going to make her put me out. I was miserable but she had to make the move. He didn't get that at all....neither do I but it was something I did.

It's when I explained to him that the lie that great friends do not make great partners. I told him me and Rebecca were great friends before and after...we just can't be together.

When Dee in Tampa broke down and professed her love for me based on our friendship I was stunned. I'll have sex with her, I'll hang out with her and I've stated that we can't be more than that. I have boundaries set with most women. Mary Jane, I know what I'm up to with her. The nameless Argentinian girl, I know what I'm up to with her. Another woman, Jessica, I know what's going on with her. Rebecca, I knew what I was doing....I knew I was crossing the line from friend to lover. I also bought into the myth. The relationship with Rebecca forever shattered the myth. When Dee tried the friendship argument with me, it failed. It failed because I know better. It failed because I know a friendship isn't solely the reason to build a relationship.

The old saying, "You can pick your friends but you can't pick your relatives" has a partial truth to it. What it leaves out is friends are the relatives you pick. True friends are actually as close as siblings or at least my friends are. So if my friends are sibling like, how can I cross that line? It almost becomes incestuous to take a friend as a partner, lover or whatever. Laugh as much as you want at that reasoning but it's true to me. I have a female friend who I call my twin. People tell me we should end up together....no, that's my sister you're talking about. Gross.

So then how if I discount my female friends as lovers, who is eligible? That I can't pinpoint. It starts as a casual attraction somewhere. Good looking, nice ass, nice boobs, cute face, nice hair, sense of humor, nice smile, intelligence...something has to be a precursor. Not all the things I listed. It could be an intelligent woman with a great sense of humor without all the physical attributes I listed. I'm not shallow. But there has to be an attraction some where on the physical or intellectual level.

One final note on the subject. People often ask me what I look for in a woman. I always answer that I can't answer that question. Every woman is unique. I can't limit myself to one particular type of woman. I won't know until I meet her. I just can't answer that question.

This post ran longer than I intended...good night.

Last Dance With Mary Jane

I'll call her Mary Jane. It's the closest I can get to an English pronunciation of her name. Mary Jane is a friend of Rebecca's ex-husband Ed.

One day Rebecca calls me and said Ed was looking to hook up his friend Mary Jane with someone and I came to her mind. I said ok, I'll meet this woman and take it from there.

Mary Jane is a stunning woman but one major problem....she's a 21 year old party girl. She loves to party. I don't. I'm 41 and the dance club scene she likes isn't me. Plus the 20 year age difference is a factor for me.

So I met Mary Jane anyway. I called her to ask her out but she never returned my call. Oh well, it was about what I expected. She met me, was nice but not interested. Whatever.

Rebecca asked me what happened with Mary Jane. I told her and Rebecca wasn't exactly happy that she treated me that way. So she called Ed and pretty much said,"What the fuck is up with this girl?" Ed explained that Mary Jane was in South Carolina with family and working.

That was a few months ago.

Then Rebecca called me last week and said she talked to Mary Jane. She told MJ to call me if she was still interested. I previously told Rebecca that I wasn't interested in MJ. To young and the whole party thing. Rebecca said to call her anyway. I said that was a problem since I deleted MJ's number.

The very next day Mary Jane calls me and asks me to lunch or dinner. Sorry I told her, I've got two tailgates planned this weekend. Football is my busy time of year.

Monday she sent me a text telling me hello and how she wanted to meet up with me. I said fine. How about Sunday she asked. I said fine since there was no home football games to go to.

So that's where I'm at with Mary Jane. I'm going to tell what's going to happen too. I will go out with her a few times. Maybe if I'm lucky I'll get a roll in the hay or two out of it. But that's it.

This girl really can't be healthy for me. Her partying and my history of alcohol abuse make for a volatile mix. I can't have that.

So thanks in advance for the dance, Mary Jane, but it will be our last.

And My Family Wonders Why I Avoid Them

It's rare that my family really pisses me off. I'm usually just annoyed by them. They are domestic, boring, old and stale. I can't say I'm much different but at least I'm doing what I want to do and am happy doing it.

So today I'm trying to finish off the errands that I blew off yesterday like getting car inspected and other things that cost money. My sister sent me a text,"Call mom when you can." Fuck, this can't be good. I reply,"Ugh, you know I hate talking on phone. What's she want?" "She just wants to talk." Fine. I knew something was up.

I'm half way home when my cell phone rings. "Shit, if that's mom, I'm going be pissed off." Surprise. It wasn't. That's another story.

I get home and call Mom. Just as I suspected something was up. My Mom asked me to go to her house in November to help my brother work on it. I look at my work schedule and football schedules and tell her off the bat that I can't. I have a football game to attend that weekend. She gets upset with me and tells me how my brother made time to do this for her and why can't I? I want to say I'm sorry but I don't. I say that I'm not not changing my plans.

I love my mother but I've learned a few things over the years. One is that she is a very selfish person. The world revolves around her and when her three children don't bow to her wishes she gets upset. I've seen her get angry at my sister for not raising my nephews the way my mom thinks they should. Most my relatives revere my mother...she's a saint in many relatives' eyes. To me she's mom, human faults and all.

What my mom fails to realize is I set aside eight Sundays a year for my local NFL team's home games. Eight, no more, no less. I'm flexible on the eight road games. I've bought and paid for my eight home game tickets. I plan my vacation days around those games. They are sacred, hard worked for days of bliss and enjoyment for me. Growing up, working my way through college and working my way to the point where I could afford them, I always dreamed of being an NFL season ticket holder. I am now. I don't give that up lightly.

My mother gets upset and tells me my brother, who is retired, makes time for her so why can't I. The old guilt trip try. She knows the last time that worked on me was 1998. Again I don't apologize. If she could see me over the phone she'd see me shrug my shoulders.

Here's what gets me. With a retired brother and mother who the world revolves around, they can do whatever the fuck they want when ever they want. I, on the other hand, have such trivial things like a job, dates, friends and taking care of things a working single man has to.

After the whole conversation with my mother, I sent my sister a text,"Thanks for the ambush. Was mom upset?" Not a peep. Not a reply. So now I'm pissed at three people. My mom for assume I'd drop everything for her. My brother for just making plans and not trying to coordinate with me when I can go help him at mom's house. Now my sister for ambushing me to call mom and then not having the guts to reply to me when I ask her a question. My sister set me up and she new it. Very chicken shit of her.

So it's just another reason why I don't visit, call or give a fuck...I do what I want do whenever I want...

Oh The Misery!

The misery is the cry my buddy who tailgates with me at college games. The highlight of his year is our University's home games. At our tailgates, I should say my tailgate since I set up and take down everything, he claims his joy of tailgating while bemoaning the fact he is married with kids. The more he drinks, the more his constant bitching increases.

It's pathetic and sad. He's the one that wanted to get married. He wanted to have kids. He did what I think most people do who really don't have a clue in what they want. He conformed to society's so called norms. His exact path has been right out of a social studies book: graduate college, go to law school, marry, have kids. Now he's perfectly miserable. And people wonder why the divorce rate is so high? It's because people shouldn't be married in the first place.

I'm single and perfectly fucking happy. Growing up I thought it was what everybody should do. I went and graduated from college and I figured I'd get married shortly afterward. Then have kids, visits to my parents on weekends and blah blah blah.

I didn't and I'm glad. Around the age of 26 or so I figured out I don't want kids either. So really what's the point to getting married?

Don't get me wrong. I still want someone in my life. I've been in love before (Violet and Rebecca) and I'm sure I will again one day. I may even marry. I don't want to be alone forever. However, if I do end up alone then so be it.

Novus ordo seclorum
JP to the 3

Summer of Pope is Over but It's Football Season

I had a fun summer. A few weekends out of town. A few weekends of vegging out. Now it's football season.

I have a lot of info to update on family wise. My cousin found her brother who we haven't seen since 1999. I also discovered a whole branch of the family we didn't know existed.

Of course I have the mundane of my life too.

Details, as much as I can reveal anyway, coming in the next few days.

Full Disclosure

Over a month since my last post. Nothing significant has happened since my nephew's wedding.

I went on another overtime streak and then decided to embark on a series of mini-vacations.

I'm finally taking steps toward home ownership. I went buy the credit union where I have my savings. I talked to the mortgage officer and she told me what I needed to do plus all the documents I need to gather. She also recommended I try a bank with an FHA since the credit union wasn't in the program yet. They will but are in the process and won't in the program in time for me. I thought that was very nice that she pointed me in that direction.

My mini-vacations were nice and restful. I went to my former hometown to visit my family but mostly it was a friend's visit. I saw my best friend as always. I then renewed a friendship with a dear old high school friend. I got to me her family. Her daughter is the cutest little girl and so friendly. Her husband is one cool cat...hey anyone who appreciates Art Bell is okay in my book.

My and by bestest friend EVAR (I like using that for some reason) went out to the river fishing. I spent the better part of the afternoon chasing a gar with a live perch. Gar at the minnows I threw him but no luck on my hook.

I went the next weekend to Austin. It was so relaxing. Friday night I went out to 6th Street and drank beer and looked at pretty girls. The bartender at the place I settled in was cute and friendly. She knew how to work me. I had a good time chilling and talking with her.

As the place got crowded and I got squeezed out, I went across the street to a near empty sports bar. I met a group of people there who invited me to go out to the river and stay the rest of the weekend with them. Being highly buzzed, I agreed and gave them my number. When they called the next morning I didn't answer. I wasn't about to go out with a bunch of strangers to the river. God knows what they were into or up to.

I got my car back and painted. She's pretty. She's sexy. I'm no longer embarrassed by her. The guy who did the job did an outstanding job. I showed it to a friend after we had dinner tonight. He took one look and said,"Damn. It looks brand new." His kid nephew took a look and asked,"Pope is that your car." Yup. "Damn."

I spent last weekend, the last of my mini-vacations, with Rebecca. Yes that Rebecca. The one I had a relationship that ended in disaster. And we had a good time. We went to dinner and then hit up a strip club for old time's sake.

While at dinner we started talking about past relationships. Actually she did. I brought her up to date with Lonely Girl and how she tried to blackmail me emotionally. Like my two other female friends that I turned to for advice, Rebecca said I handled the situation masterfully. Like on coworker said, Lonely Girl could get crazier and make false accusations and Rebecca stated the same thing. Not that I need her approval but it was reassuring that I made the right moves.

Rebecca then asked me about Violet. I said she's gone with the wind. I haven't heard from her and it won't bother me if I never hear from her again. How long she asked? Over a year. No way...yes way. That's the way she is. She disappears and then reappears. But I told her don't think she's coming back this time. Violet knows she scorched the last haven for her.

We talked a little bit about Sophia too. I said I think she found a boyfriend cause she doesn't call me anymore and last time I talked to her was on New Years. She said that's usually what happens when women don't return calls anymore.

The next part of the conversation floored me. I've told her about my ex-girlfriend from Colombia. I know I have because that was the woman I was with when I first met Rebecca. She denied ever knowing about the ex-girlfriend and insisted that Violet was the only one I talked about. I said no I've told you. I think it's selective memory.

We talked while she drank some after dinner wine. I spent time nodding my head while looking for my ex's Facebook page. No luck but I found her husband. All references to her were removed from his Facebook. Very curious. I found a photo of her online and showed it to Rebecca. I said she used to be pretty but didn't age well. Rebecca disagreed and said she wasn't bad looking. Whatever.

We went down the street to a little bar she likes. Her daughter took the car to be hang with friends and I agreed to take Rebecca home. After a while at the bar, she told me if I wanted to drink she would call her daughter to pick us up and I could spend the night with her. I said okay. She reiterated that under no circumstance will she allow me to drive once I have my first sip of beer. I agreed.

We called her daughter to take us to the strip club and she did. We had a good time. A few times she leaned over and kissed me. As she drank more she got hornier and the tongue started slipping into my mouth. That's when she said we need to hook up for the night. I said it's her call. Her daughter dropped us off at home and she left with her friends.

The next morning her daughter picked me up and drove me back to my car. It was a weird feeling driving around in a car with three teen girls who know I spent the night with one of their mothers. Gina, the daughter, just asked me if her mom was up. I said no she's still asleep.

I called Rebecca later in the day but I imagine she was quiet hung over. She didn't even stir when I left.

The night was fun but it also reminded me of why we aren't together anymore. Even though I drank that night I didn't get fucked up. In fact I barely had a buzz. With the way she still drinks I know I can't be like that anymore.

Well that is it from the Pope for now. Gonna hit the rack and catch some well deserved sleep.

Good night.

And Now Back to The Show

I took two weeks off to chill after my prolonged bout of working overtime for the month of May. My schedule fluctuates so much I can barely keep track of it and none of my friends or relative can't. I'm finally back at my regular job after spending the first five months on various assignments.

So what did I do on my vacation? Read, slept, swam, fished, worked out, masturbated, watch porn, watch porn while masturbating and played guitar. And I worked in an out of town wedding and a trip to the strip club. Fun Fun Fun and all from my Papal abode.

Silly me thinking by wrapping up my stuff at work and going to regular job I'd have free time to pursue other outside interests.

On my last day off I decided to do some digging on my great grandmother's family tree. In interests of the Pope's anonymity, I can't get into deep details. After my great granny married my great grand pappy her family cut her off...completely disowned her. So that branch of the family remained a mystery over the time. Oh a whim, I went to the local genealogy library, took a list of known family members from where my grandmother grew up and hit the records. I can proudly say I uncovered a wealth of information in only two hours of research and I have many leads to run down. I've got a name to three of my great grandmother's grandparents. I know the names of two great great great grandfathers and one great great great grandmother dating to the 1820s and if it's quiet possible that one of the great great great grandfathers was born in 1780s or 1790s. I've followed that branch of the family name up to South Carolina but I'm almost positive that's not my ancestors. This week I'm going to try to look at some census records from the 1850s of the county my great great grandfather was born.

My buddy who is painting my car called today and said she will be ready this week. I'm so excited. She's looking sleek and sexy again. He said I'm going to freak out on the mint condition my baby is in now....I can't wait!

Well, the Pope is off to bed. Got dentist appointment and World Cup semifinals to watch tomorrow and maybe out to the library to look at census records.

My relaxing week went to pot as I picked up two shifts of overtime after say I'd slow down.

Until next time, good night from your ever loving Pope.

USA vs Algeria at the Pub

Okay, so sober Pope over did it at the pub and drank several beers during the game and several more later. Basically I got shit faced. I have no clue how I got home. Only thing I'm sure of was I didn't drive. I took a cab to the pub, had fun, walked to another bar and had more fun. The second bar is on the rail line so that's how I got home. I jumped on the rail and rode it home. The stop is only a few blocks over from my palace.

Okay here is a bit of analysis of the binge. An alcoholic may look to justify the drinking. I work hard so I need to relax. I can't say that's me. I went out to watch a game, knew before hand I wanted to drink and I took precautions to fulfill my promise of "NEVER EVER AGAIN GET BEHIND THE WHEEL AFTER DRINKING." It's nothing but bad news. Little cab or rail rides will do me fine. It's safe and spares me a traumatic legal expense.

The second part is not to make this a habit again. I cannot go out every weekend to drink and get wasted. I got pretty at the pub watching the game. I don't want that to be a habit or common occurrence.

Also I need to time them for unannounced periodic tests. I'm now part of a much larger testing pool so I shouldn't get called very often. My odds of testing have dropped dramatically. Depending on the type of test they are doing will be my window to drink. They use breath and piss test. On one occasion I was told that the urine was not tested for alcohol. The medical staff only tests breath for alcohol and if it was positive they drew blood for confirmation. A second nurse told me urine was tested for alcohol. I doubt it is if they do a breath with a blood confirmation test. Either way they are testing for BAC and not the metabolites. If they test for metabolites in the urine then the window is about 80 hours before the markers are out of your body. I don't plane confirming either method. I'm not subject to randoms on night shifts so drinking on the off days before a set of nights is safe.

Also I want figure out the frequency for testing the larger pool. In the intense pool, I got popped an average of once a month. I could go long periods without test like once from the week of Thanksgiving until my next test in mid February. Last month in May I got popped three times. The nurse said it won't be so intense. Maybe once every few months but since it is a random program you really can't be to safe. So I'm going to record the dates I get tested for the rest of the year to see how often it averages.

No, I won't go out partying every weekend. I'd like to pop back a cold one once in a while at home. If I go out to a bar or pub, I'll use cabs. Never again will I get behind the wheel. Stakes are to high.

Vacation Weekend

I did nothing but watch World Cup matches and drank a few beers. Yes, the sober Pope, downed a few beers on vacation. I'm thinking what the hell. I don't drink often if ever. So I figured I'll put down a few. I'm not going out drinking and driving. I bought six pack to drink while practicing guitar and other projects I'm doing at home. My days of going out and getting drunk are over.

Tomorrow I'm going out to a local pond and see if I can haul in some catfish. I have two more weeks to go on vacation. Nothing major but a wedding out of town next weekend. I rented a high end suite at a five star hotel for the event. I'm not happy to go to the wedding but may as well lessen the misery with nice accommodations.

I see a run out the beach on Tuesday and Wednesday a trip to the local pub to watch USA vs Algeria and England vs. Slovenia for World Cup play to decide who goes through to the next round.

Good night.

A Break

Finally some prolonged well deserved down time. I've been working my ass off since February with Union business and then my temp assignment on a special project. On the temp assignment I busted my ass working overtime. Paid off sweetly.

The overtime is going into one pot for the house down payment. Even my lease isn't up until fall, I plan on start looking at houses, condos and maybe a place outside of Houston. My first choice is a house with a yard. I need the space for my junk. What I mean by junk is I want a home office/studio. I figure a three bedroom house would fit my needs. Obviously the master bedroom for me, a guestroom and the third form my office/studio. Or ideal three bedrooms with a study. As for the studio and why I'm leaning to a house is I want to be able to play my music, guitar and TV loud. If I go the condo/townhouse route then loud guitar playing isn't allowed. I don't like plugging headphones into my amp.

I finally, after one year, turned my car over to my friend that does body work and painting. Her engine is finally restored and running like a colon on Exlax. Now it's time to fix her up and have her looking sexy again. Brand new high end gloss black paint job with new dashboard cover to hide the sunburned cracks. I really look forward to have her ready to go.

As for my break, I was supposed to start my vacation next week. Yesterday I saw we had extra people on schedule for the rest of this shift. So I walked into my supervisor's office and asked for the rest of this week off. I'm off for a total of two weeks. This first week I think I'm just going to pitter around the apartment, clean up some. Also probably head out to a lake or river for some morning or afternoon fishing. Maybe hit Galveston seawall for a good bike ride. I'm also going to get more exercise at the gym. Also a few days out at the pool reading and getting some sun.

Then next weekend I have a wedding out of town that I really don't want to attend. However it's family and I will be fulfilling the one obligatory function I attend once a year.

I called that girl Rebecca's ex-husband introduced me to. Haven't heard back from her so whatever.

I have a bunch of little projects at home I want to work on too but hobby stuff not chore stuff. So I think I'm headed to a nice relaxing two weeks.

The Set Up

A couple of weeks ago, Rebecca told me a her ex-husband wanted me to meet a woman. This woman is looking for a relationship and Rebecca recommended me. I know, I know. My ex-girlfriend's ex-husband trying to set me up doesn't sound kosher. Of course I said,"What the hell? I'll meet her."

I hadn't heard anything since. My work schedule eased up and I had a four day weekend. So I called Rebecca to see if she wanted to go out. Mid conversation she said,"Oh you have the weekend off? Good, let me find out if my ex-husband can set you up to meet the woman."

"Uh, okay." Whatever. Doesn't hurt to meet her.

So I met the ex-husband and the woman yesterday at a coffee place. Rebecca said the woman was pretty good looking girl. She wasn't kidding. The woman is stunning. Tall, leggy red head with a killer body. I thinking she's way out of my league.

Now here's the deal. This girl is way to young for me and is still in the party stage. She just turned 21. I'm old enough to be her father. I'm 20 years older than her. That can't be a good thing. I'm 41, I don't party anymore, I don't go to clubs. This girl does. My social life revolves around my few friends, football and some alumni events. That's it.

We had a nice little conversation, exchanged numbers and I'll see where it goes. Not far I'm assuming but you never know.

More updates as the story develops...or doesn't.

The Pope Dodges A Bullet

Seriously. My crazy coworker,Lonely Girl, that sent me the texts painted me into a corner. She asked me to go with her to the casino and stay the night. I said we'll figure something out when I finished up my temp assignment.

My assignment is up next week and I feared going back. Then my supervisor called me and asked if I mind changing crews. I said hell no. When do I change? As soon as the temp assignment is up. All right! Let me change my vacation days and I'll show up on the new shift.

I sent a text to a another coworker and told her all that transpired. She said, Oh boy other Lonely Girl is going to be upset. Yeah well, she'll have to deal with it.

I talked to another coworker and she said I made the right move. She said Lonely Girl is probably out of her mind and dangerous. She thinks Lonely Girl would probably get possessive, imagine a relationship that didn't exist or go crying to HR with false accusations if rebuffed.

I didn't think twice about the move. I did it out of a sense of self preservation. I really don't feel to sorry for Lonely Girl. She created her own mess and chaos at home. I told her how to get out of it but she didn't listen. She's using a weak excuse to stay at home when things are beyond repair according to her. There are ways to fix those things. She won't. I want no part of it.

Layter!

No Rest for the Wicked

Burning the Candle

I looked at my calendar and realized that I only had four days off in the month of May. I basically worked the entire month. No wonder I'm so tired. I need to slow it down. My temp assignment is drawing to and end soon. Then I go back to my regular job...which I'm not looking forward to. I'd rather stay where I'm at.

At least I've got some vacation time in June and July. I need it. I still don't know what I'm going to do but I'm leaning heavily toward Vegas.

Disturbing Texts

Last night I received a disturbing text from a coworker. She broke up with her boyfriend. It's a really weird situation she created for herself. Basically she doesn't have the balls to throw him out. She claims that she can't afford the house without him and he won't sign off on a sell so she has to stay with him. I told her in Texas she's already in a common law marriage. I told her to go see a divorce lawyer and start divorce proceedings. She won't.

She's my friend but I purposely keep my distance. She's chaos, a drama queen and loves misery. I figure such a friendship would be draining on me. I don't have time for that.

So she texts me to come hang out with her to cheer her up. I can't because I'm working. She then asked me to call in sick this week and go hang with her. I told her no cause I may need those sick day when I'm actually sick. She then told me that she's going to just pop pills and sleep the rest of her time off. She said a few more things. I told her if she's looking for sympathy I'm not sympathetic to her situation.

I don't feel sorry for her. I don't want her moods to bring me down. She needs to get her shit together and move on from this relationship. She needs to learn to have friends and not wear them down. She created her own mess and she needs to clean it up.

Once I get back to my regular job, where she works, I'm going to have to be on pins and needles with her. I also don't want her to mistake my friendship and anything more. Let's face it, she disgusts me on several levels. Physically she won't take care of herself. She binge eats when she's depressed. Mentally she's off her rocker sometimes. We all are. Unlike others, she knows it but she won't take action about it. I gave her the number to my shrink several months ago. I don't think she's been. She thrives on chaos at work and home. I can't deal with that drama.

I hope she can get her shit together. Unfortunately for her but fortunately for me, I won't put up with it. It's going to reach a point where I'm going to say grow up, grow a set and straighten your shit cause I can't, I won't and I will not be your friend under these circumstances.

Reflections - The Endings Are Beginnings

When I started this blog I figured it would eventually have an ending. A happy ending. At least an ending that would bring closure and allow me to open a new era in my life. Maybe I'd end this blog and start a new one to begin a new book in my life. Not a new chapter but a new book. A new beginning. A new era.

Unfortunately I haven't started that new book. At least not yet. I'm still writing the chapters to this one. I've closed out a lot of things in my life and put so much behind me. I've moved on and moved forward which is a big step.

I thought the last line ever entered in this blog would be: "And the Pope and Sophia live happily ever after."

For whatever reason it didn't end that way. Sophia, like Rebecca, Violet and the Colombian ex, she's gone. Only God, or whoever is in charge, knows why. I'm disappointed things didn't work out or go as planned. Of course I was a little hurt too but things never got to deep with her. I liked her and cared, still care a bit, about her. Such is life.

So I've put the Sophia chapter of my life to rest. She joins those other women on the scrap heap.

What's next? I don't know.

Besides Sophia I closed out one other chapter. I'm completed the two year recovery program my job put me on after my DWI. It was stupid and they came down harder on me than the law. Like I did with probation, I did what I had to in order to keep my life intact. The program was mandatory and I had to comply or get fired. Probation required me to take a six week class, attend AA twice a week and don't drive for a year. Work required me to see a counselor, attend AA, take intensive randoms, complete abstinence and also see a therapist for depression. I survived both.

I'm still subject to random piss tests at work. According to the nurse my name goes into a bigger pool of names for the next three years. She said those names are called very infrequent. I averaged one test a month although sometimes it would be two or three in a month. Other times I'd go a while without one. The longest I went without my name called was three months. This month they've nailed me three times. It's truly random.

So that's where I'm at today. Closure and endings bringing on new beginnings.

I stated when I started writing that this was my little melodrama. It still is until the day I end it. With every melodrama comes a back story. With nothing going on in my life it might be time to tell mine.

Until next time,
The Pope

Just As I Feared

Will's father passed away over the weekend. I knew it was only a matter of time but still I was saddened by the news.

Will's dad always remembered by as Will's drunk friend. Long story short, it goes back to a party at Will's sisters house where I just sat quietly drinking beer. I never got wasted or loud. I just sat there drinking beer and bullshitting with Will's dad. He thought it was fun and we had a good old time. According to Will, his dad never forgot that day. His dad was always asking about The Pope, The Drunk Guy.

In retrospect it's funnier now. Right around my legal woes and depression, Will's father asked how I was doing. Will didn't tell him anything about my DWI.

He just said,"Dad he doesn't drink anymore."

"Aaah, like your drunk little cousin, they caught him drinking and driving? Didn't they?"

In a dark moment, despite my depression and situation, Will's dad's simple question and inquiry made me laugh. Despite my situation, I appreciated the thought, the understanding and the humor which he showed the situation.

One more story in remembrance of Will's old man. I wasn't in the car that day but he picked up Will and a bunch of our friends up after school. We were in middle school at the time and the guys had gotten a hold of a Playboy or Penthouse. They were in the backseat looking at it and laughing. Finally after a while, Will's dad just stopped and said,"I don't know what you have back there but there is a lot of giggling going on. Whatever it is it better have tits!"

So long sir. You left an imprint on my life through your humor and understanding of me. Also you brought a true friend into my life through your son Will. Will is a living testimony to your hard work and way of life. Me and Will grew up on the same street and went to school from elementary all the way to the University. In my darkest hour, he was one of the people who came through for me in a huge way.

Rest in peace. I'm praying for strength and comfort for your family. I know all your children and be proud you raised them well.

God Bless,
The Pope

And Now the Friends

Yesterday's post was my life.

So what's going on around me? A lot.

Binks, my bestest friend EVAR, disappeared on me for a while. He basically got railroaded at work. They tried to terminate him for nothing. Since they didn't have crap on him they made his life miserable in hopes of him quitting. He's stronger and better than that. So they demoted him and moved him to a remote school. Reducing his pay was the final straw. He works a second job. He talked to them and they agreed to hire him full time and raise his pay. He resigned his old job and then I lost track of him. While he gets back on his feet from the change of jobs, he turned off his phones and internet. The other night he sent me a text to call him at his job. He's okay and will get his stuff together soon. Then we plan on hitting the lake for a week of fishing in July.

A couple of weekends ago another friend sent me an IM through Facebook. I see him online all the time but he never IMs. I could tell he was down. He asked how my drunk ass was doing. I said fine. I didn't correct him and fill him in about my bout of alcohol abuse and sobriety. He's seen me at my finest drunk and I didn't feel like explaining all that went down over the years. Anyway, we chatted a while and I promised to go visit him once things get settled down at work. I have plenty of friends in Austin that I want to see. I'm gonna make it a rocking weekend this summer.

In celebration of Cinco de Mayo, me and my friend Will, both of us are barrio Mexicans from San Antonio, went out to eat Mediterranean food. Go figure. We laughed our asses off about it. His father has been sick for a while. I asked how his dad was doing. Not good. His sister had called and their father took a turn for the worst. Surgery is no longer an option since he probably won't survive it. Will told me it was only a matter of time. They are all gathering this weekend to see him.

Another friend's father, Swami as I call him, also has been sick over the years. How the old man is still alive is beyond me. He's a tough old bird and hangs in there. As sick as he is, they opted to do bypass surgery on him this week. I was honestly scared to death for him and the family. His father pulled through. Like Will's dad, I didn't think Swami's dad was strong enough for surgery. He did and I'm grateful for them. Still I believe it's a matter of time.

I pray for all my friends. I have other friends fighting depression, alcohol abuse and other problems. I'm grateful for how far I've come. My journey to happiness took 41 years. Along they way I learned that only I can give myself true happiness and contentment. Not God, not family, not friends and not the job can give me that. They can support me in all kinds of ways but until I learned to come to grips with my alcoholism and depression, nobody else could change me.

That's where me and my friends are in life right now. Not all are struggling with issues but there isn't much to write about those who don't. In fact, I plan on spending some down time in a couple of weeks with a couple of my more stable friends. That's just how live rolls...take care.

The Wonderfully Holistic Holy Pope Ivan Paulus III

Busy But Happy

I've been busy as anyone can imagine since February but I'm not complaining.

I had a two month project at work that was very stressful, tedious, frustrating and at times scary. Despite the negative, it was also a very good experience, interesting and in the end I benefited greatly from it. The scariest part was about a thousand people's lively hoods, including my own, were in the hands of about 20 people. I work in a Union site and was involved in negotiating a new deal for my Union. In the end, we struck a fair deal and I can sleep at night knowing we didn't get screwed. In this economy, that is a big accomplishment. And three years from now, I will do this again.

I planned on taking some time off from work once the deal was official. That idea lasted about two days after my return. I was called into a supervisors office and asked if I would be willing to take a temp assignment for a month. Another department was shorthanded and they needed extra people. First question out of my mouth, can I work overtime? The Big Boss Lady said sure. Work all you can get. I then put my union rep hat on and started asking questions on the selection process to make sure it was done fair. Three others are going with me.

I don't live and die on overtime. It's nice to have and definitely inflates my income by a princely sum. Sadly, some of my coworkers need the overtime. They really get in a bind if they don't have it. I don't feel sorry for them. Without overtime, we make a very good wage. So many get in hock buying big houses on big lots, deer leases, big boats and so on. They want to live the high life but get so in debt they can no longer live on our base salary.

I have one friend who can't pay his regular bills without overtime. Thank God I don't live like that. He can't pay the mortgage and car note without the extra money. I find that unreal. While he went two months without overtime, he had to borrow one month worth of mortgage and car payments to tide him over. Yet this same person spent a month in the Bahamas and then after complaining about no overtime, ran of on a shopping spree for a weekend. Sorry but no sympathy from me.

Me, on the other hand, use the overtime to pay for my fun stuff and to keep out of debt. If there is no overtime and there is something I want, I might dig into my savings account but eventually I'll pay it back. For instance, I've been wanting a new guitar lately. At first it was going to be my Christmas gift. Then I got started on other things. Finally, my birthday rolled around in March and I was getting no overtime. I decided that I've been working hard for six weeks. I needed something to help me unwind besides strippers. One an off day, I went down to the music store and bought a scary looking one. And I love it.

Any vacation I plan will be paid with by overtime. Right now I'm waiting for a couple of loans I took against my 401(k) to come off. I took one to help me pay my legal expenses. When they come off, that's $600 a month back on my pay check.

I'm busting up the overtime right now though. It's one of two reasons I took on the temp assignment. The other reason is to do different things and change the monotony of my real job. 26 hours overtime and 12 hours double time last check. If things stay on target, it's 38.5 overtime hours this next up coming check. Baby, I've already written a check to drop off at the credit union in the morning where I keep my savings account. I keep the savings and checking accounts in separate institutions on purpose. I found it was to easy to transfer money from savings to checking in the same bank.

My social life has been no existent. During the negotiations, I was going to lunch with my fellow negotiators. A couple of times we went to dinner. That part of it was fun.

Then since I was working in Rebecca's neighborhood, I saw her a few times. Then my buddy Will and I hit the dinner circuit occasionally. I've really had more than two consecutive days off this year so I pretty much turn into a homebody. I'd rather just stay home and rest.

This week I broke the routine. I didn't go out with Rebecca when she called. Hell she was just checking up on me since I've been a rare site. But me and Will went out to celebrate Cinco de Mayo last night. Today I had union business so before I did that, I picked up my cousin and we went to an early dinner. Earlier in the day, I did a solid work out and then spent the afternoon at the pool. While if feel tired, I don't feel worn down.

Tomorrow I'll fill in the lives that are my friends.

Good Night,
Your Ever Loving Jewish Pope JP3

Updates

Hello Friends,
All one of you that is. I've been very busy with work. Then I get home and want to do of several things:

1. Sleep
2. Watch TV
3. Eat
4. Masturbate
   
5. Sleep after masturbating
   
6. Play my guitar (no that's not euphemism for masturbating)

My Update

I'm a project at work that's taking longer than I thought. I blocked out March 1 to April 15th for this crap. I anticipated it would be done in a month but the deadline was the 15th. Guess what? I think we are going to go past the deadline.

When all is said and done, I'm taking me a two week vacation. One of several destinations come to mind. Vegas is the leading contender right now. Second is a fishing trip to my undisclosed location. Third is a cruise with Rebecca.

All I know is I need some fucking down time and soon.

I bought myself a new guitar for my birthday. I had a cheap model I bought last year because I didn't know if I was going to make time to practice and play. I made more than enough time for it and rewarded myself with a kick ass heavy metal guitar. She is sweet. She is my new love. On the cheap guitar, playing the strings was like playing on barbed wire. On my new one, the strings are like butter. I love her. No name for her yet.

.....the Friends

I went and saw my friend Swami last week. I hadn't seen him since before my unfortunate run in with the law three years ago. He looks great and happy as far he can. His dad is very sick. I'm surprised the old man is still alive. I thought he was done four years ago when his organs began shutting down. The tough old bird pulled through. Now he is facing bypass surgery. I'm kind of surprised the doctors are offering the surgery. His health is so poor that I'm not sure he would survive it. I just continue to pray and hope the best works out for them.

My best friend Binks finally had it with his main job. Over the summer and then Christmas break they tried to railroad him. First they tried making the job so unbearable to force him to quit. He didn't so they started building a case to fire him for job performance. Only problem with that is he's never late and does his work. They never could build a solid case for termination even though they made up all kinds of crap. Finally they ended up demoting him and moving him to a less desirable location. He talked to his boss at the second job. I'm not sure if they offered him a raise but I think they did guarantee forty hours a week. He took the job full time and told his old one to stick it. Only problem is the new job doesn't have benefits. He has two kids that he has to provide insurance because he is divorced. One of them turns 18 next year and the other in a couple of years so he'll be done with child support and insurance soon. It's about time. His ex-wife is a useless as tits on a bull.

Well that's it for now. I'm sure there's more but what the hell. The love life still is dead.

Violet Rebecca Sophia is all I have left for now.

Good night,
The Pontiff Maximus

Busting Out?

I've decided to break out of my little cocoon I've created for myself. I've pretty much been sheltering myself at home. From what I don't know. It can't be the temptations of drinking. I can do that as simple as walking down to the corner store and buying a twelve pack.

Maybe it's pure laziness. Unlike most people, I'm very comfortable alone. Sure I need social interaction but at a minimum. Also I want to get laid as bad as the next person. Still I am the homebody. I can entertain myself for hours on the computer, reading, watching TV and movies and playing my guitar. I venture out with Rebecca occasionally and my buddy Will. I guess that's all I need.

So what steps am I taking to break out? One is I decided to get more involved with the Alumni group of the University I graduated from. I always attend the football games. Sometimes alone and sometimes with a buddy I tailgate with. Just recently I decided to go to an alumni watch party for the NCAA tournament selection show. My University already had a ticket and it was just a matter of who they were going to play. I had ice tea and crawfish and sat with some moneyed alumni. I'm not a person that needs to rub elbows with big shots but it was interesting sitting with some of the movers and shakers of the school.

Then I decided to join a Mardi Gras Krewe in New Orleans. One of the alumni I've met is a float captain and as such he can extend invitations for people to join the Krewe. I met up with him and a couple of others he invited at a pub. I got to meet his wife too. She was very sweet and talkative. She's encouraging me to not only do the Krewe thing but also attend more Alumni functions. She told me it's a great way to meet women. Single men can meet successful women who have a common connection to the University. She told me about one single guy who goes to their tailgate parties. He never lacked for anything to do. He always had dates. I take it he had no local family cause she told me he always had a place to go on Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years due to the women he met.

See how that and the Krewe goes for me.

Misery With Rebecca

Saturday I was living my bachelor George Costanza life sitting around my place in my underwear minus the cheese.

So I'm enjoying my down time when Rebecca calls. She was out having drinks and asked me to join her. I hemmed and hawed about it. Finally I said yes. What the hell else was I going to do?

It takes me about 45 minutes to get there. I'm in a pretty good mood. We start talking and bullshitting like the good friends were are. I sighed internally cause she was looking damn hot and just knowing that we used to be together for four years brought a flood of memories back. Don't get me wrong, I'd never go back with her. Also I don't normally get all melancholy when I hang out with her. For some reason that night I did.

Somewhere during the course of the conversation it hit me. What we talked about was all about her. She doesn't ask me how work is going, what's happening with my life or even about my mom (who she usually asks about). As we are talking I start replaying some of our recent conversations in my head. It's when I realized that either she has no interest in what really is going on with me or she's just turned into a self centered brat. She talked endlessly about herself, her daughter, her store and our dinner and her drinks. I tried to change the subject but couldn't. Oh well, I just went with it. Why bang my head against the wall.

I take back some of what I wrote about her being completely self centered. We had a conversation about how I was doing with my sobriety. She tells me how wonderful it is for me and how much she thinks about me taking the steps needed to get my life together. She leaned over and kissed me several times when we talked about it.

After dinner she tells me she's going down to the boardwalk and to one of her favorite haunts and asked me to go. I went but about 30 minutes or so I had enough. She was drunk and dancing solo on the floor looking like a fool. I decided that a trip to the strip joint was in order. If she was going to act the fool at least let's doing it in a more appropriate environment.

So we went. And it was miserable. Things started off well. She was happy and tipping the dancers. The more Rebecca drank the more snippy she got with people. I could tell by the look on her face she wasn't having a good time anymore. She wanted to go to another strip club but I told her no. She kept on pounding her drinks. Then she announced she was ready to go home. I was relieved to get out of there. I should have gone by myself.

Earlier in the evening she told me an acquaintance of ours stopped by her store and told her something. Rebecca didn't tell me what this woman told her and I'm not sure I wanted to know. On the drive home, Rebecca started rambling about her daughter, making a will and then about what the acquaintance told her. As drunk as she was, I couldn't get it out of her what was said. All I could tell is that it was something that really bothered her.

Sunday I thought about calling her but decided to let her stew in her misery and hangover.

I called her today but she didn't pick up. I'm not surprised. She hardly ever picks up her phone.

In the past, like the way Violet's moods used to affect me, Rebecca's misery and foul mood would have brought me down. Not anymore. I love her as a friend but I'm no longer in love with her. She'll always be one of my dearest friends. She's stood by me through thick and thin but she no longer brings me down and I won't fall with her either.

She's a train wreck right now. Her drinking is out of control. She admitted as much to me but she also doesn't want to alter her habit. I can't do anything for her but be there for when, if, she's ready. I pray she doesn't go down the path I went but she's headed that way. I know. I've been down that road to many times.

Dreaming and Singing

The other night I dreamed about a fish. It was a delicious fish. Don't know if I caught or bought it. I don't know if it was baked, grilled or fried. I just know it was a very good fish.

Last night at work I kept singing pirate songs. "What Do You Do With a Drunken Sailor" was my favorite. It surprised me that I knew two verses. "Avast ye' Scurvy Skunks". I made that one up.

Good evening.

Mental Holiday

I decided I was having a minor mental breakdown at work. Not really. I was just tired of the place. One of the advantages of being a ten year plus veteran is the amount of vacation I get. Add to that a my regular schedule of four days off and I can take five days off with only burning one day vacation. Not a bad deal at all.

A few things were wearing me down. I changed supervisors. Again. In normal circumstances I could careless. I'm not in normal circumstances. As I've explained before, I'm in the company drug and alcohol recovery program. I've done all the bullshit and hoops they want me to. Now it's a matter of just randomly pissing in a cup. No problem. I did two years probation without failing and now almost another two years (some of the time of work and probation overlap) of not failing at work.

Changing supervisors becomes a problem for me because it's more people that get pulled into the circle of confidentiality. I'm sure people, besides the ones that I told, know but no one ever says anything about it to me and I like that. But for my mental well being the less supervisors that know the better off I am.

So when I found out I could be changing supervisors for the fourth time in under a year I flipped out. I had to calm myself down over the weekend. Sunday I determined that I'd talk to my current supervisor and say hey man this shit is getting ridiculous. So Monday morning I talked with him and let it known how I felt about possibly switching again this summer. He listened and told me that he would mention it to the big boss woman. He definitely understood where I was coming from. I thanked him for his time and understanding. I trust him to not say anything to anyone other than his boss and hopefully get his my concerns taken care of.

So in my minivacation, I plan on a few things done and spend some down time reading, watching movies, DVR shows, the dog track and maybe a day of fishing.

Other than that I'm gearing up for my next adventure...the contract negotiations with my employer.

I think the up coming negotiations also made me decide to take some down time.

After that wraps up, I'll probably take a prolonged vacation and then start my house hunting adventures.

Adventures...I laugh myself off at that.

Good night.

The Pope

General Nothings - My Therapy

Really I want to post more often this year. Already I haven't posted anything from the middle of January.

So where to start?

Something that's a new low for me. I've twice sexed up this woman. But there's a small catch. I don't know her name. My plan is to let her call and hopefully she leaves a message with name to call her back. It's a George Costanza scheme of mine.

Sophia has definitely flaked out on me. Oh well.

I'm still pretty much a shut in. I've been out only a few times since new years.

My best friend's jobs are in turmoil. He works two jobs but he got railroaded at his day job. They demoted him and put him in evening hours. Which sucks because his other job is in evenings. So now he has to make a choice. I think the only reason he takes the demotion is cause of the health insurance for his kids. The second job doesn't offer anything like that.

Dr. Destructo, me that is, decided building my own computer isn't such a good idea after all. I had a parts list and set to buy everything. Then I went to Fry's Electronics and saw the same thing I plan on building for the same price but less headache. I'm just going to open a box and plug it in.

My union is gearing up for negotiations with my employer. I'm on the negotiating team for the union. I'm ready for it to start but we still have somethings to do before we sit down at the bargaining table. I'll be honest that I'm excited but also anxious. I imagine high stress and long ours coming up over the next two months.

Right now I'm pretty much ready to move out of the lap of luxury and into my own castle. I love where I live. It's the nicest place I've ever lived. It's just beautiful. That said though I'm in an apartment, paying rent. It's time move on. It's time for a house of my own. I can't justify paying the amount of rent I do to live in Xanadu.

The time frame for house hunting won't take place until negotiations are over. While the chance of strike or lockout is minimal I don't want to buy a house and then have that all pending. Just do one major thing at a time and things will work out.

Ignore at Your Own Peril

One thing about My Eminence The Pontiff Maximus John Paul III is you don't ignore me. When I summon you respond. If you don't, there better be a damn good explanation as to why.

Violet could have bullshitted her way out of the whole phone thing had she bothered to explain herself to me. So back in September when she didn't return my calls or texts to make her case, I cut the damn phone off. I put up with a lot of shit but ignoring me and I don't.

Sophia, welcome to Violet's world. Sophia isn't on the same footing as Violet but she's getting close. I don't know what's going through her pretty little head but I'm to old to play games or put up with nonsense. Only thing is that Sophia isn't indebted to me on any level so cutting her loose will be even easier. I'd prefer her to tell me what's going on than to ignore me as of late...but whatever. I'm over it and her.

Next, woman, please step forward.
Unfortunately I don't have anyone working in the bullpen. Hell the whole farm system is lacking. I have one waiting in the wings but I'm not sure if she's ready for the bullpen much less the Big Leagues.

The Shut In
Then again how easy is it to meet women when I've basically become a shut in since before Christmas. To be honest I enjoyed my complete withdrawal from society during the cold snap. I just stayed in watched football playoffs, cooked, read and watched movies. I also got in a little practice time with my guitar.

I was doing the same thing this weekend. I decided to try and gather some of the Family together though. Thank goodness another friend wanted to host the gathering but I would have if they insisted. I was going to get everybody to meet at the wings place down the street from me. Didn't matter. I'm glad I got out at least for one day.

The Negotiator
As Pope, my diplomatic skills are sometimes required. Rarely are they used. It must be a major issue for me to get involved.

As Pope, I've been asked to sit in as a negotiator with upcoming contract talks with the union and company I work with...not for...LOL. I crack me up.

In real life, and not my fantasy world, I've been asked by the Union to be a part of the negotiation team to hammer out a new contract. I have mixed emotions about it. I'm excited because it is an important task and I'm very interested in the process. On the other hand, I'm a bit scared and nervous. After all I'm going to be shaping an agreement that will affect my work group for at least the next three years. The last time the company and union bargained seven years ago things got ugly. Both sides spread lies, rumors and half truths. Management threatened us with lock outs and trained management to do our jobs if there was a work stoppage.

I expect the same shenanigans again this go round. Only this time around I won't be on the sidelines. I'll in the frontline trenches. It's going to be stressful and unnerving.

I'm reserving up my vacation for as long as I can. Once this whole fiasco is done with I might go on a week long bender in Vegas.

Hell I might just take Rebecca on that cruise she's been wanting. I could use the release if you know what I mean.

Never mind what I said about not having someone in the rotation. Rebecca is always a phone call away.

Swirling Thoughts

I some how survived the cold snap. Actually I didn't do shit. I sat home all weekend but went to a movie on Friday afternoon.

Rebecca and I had plans to go out but I didn't call her until Sunday. I just didn't feel like going out.

Instead I pretty much cooked all weekend, read and watched TV. I didn't really need the down time since my work weeks have been short the last two weeks after my overtime marathon.

Lately I've had a lot of thing swirling through my mind. I called my therapist on Thursday looking for an appointment but she never called back. I'm going to try again tomorrow.

So what's been swirling? Nothing major. Just thinking about things in the past, the future and other minor things.

I've wondered how Violet is doing. Is she okay. Did she come back from Mexico? Did she ever go to Mexico? I doubt no matter what she's doing she's miserable. Or will be soon. She can only be happy temporarily. She needs help in the worst way. She thinks money and love will solve her issues. Sometimes I think she equates money to love. There is something twisted and not completely functioning in that woman's mind. I feel sad sometimes when I thing about her. Not cause I don't see her anymore. Sad that she's gone through life 40+ years without truly knowing happiness. When she is happy it's only fleeting. It's a very sad life she's lived.

I'm glad this last go around with her, not romantically thank goodness, that I didn't let her drag me down with her. Twice I've been down that road. Twice I let her get her hooks into me and destroy me. The years we were together she wasn't just in my heart and mind. Violet occupied my soul. She was in my blood. Even when we broke up, both times, I could never shake her bonds. I'm not sure when or where but Violet was filtered out of me. I'm almost sure it was before me and Rebecca ended up together. Once I fell in love with Rebecca I knew Violet was out of me forever. Even the female companion I had between Rebecca and Violet couldn't take her out of me. I'm just glad she's gone now.

Yeah, I had another woman between breaking up with Violet and before hooking up with Rebecca. A Colombian beauty. I don't talk much about her cause she didn't impact my life the way Violet and Rebecca did. Don't get me wrong, she left her scars on me and emotional damage but I guess not deep enough. I only spent a year with her where as it was five with Violet and four with Rebecca. I guess one year's worth of damage isn't as bad as nine with the other two.

My mind then thinks about these things and other stuff with friends. I just spins and spins and spins....

It's Colder than A Witches...

...you know what.

I've holed myself up in my apartment for the weekend. Bought plenty of food, drinks and have a ton of reading material.

Worked called me to work two days overtime. I didn't even answer the phone. I'm on a four day weekend and don't feel like doing squat.

Only thing I had planned was to go to a movie. I went and saw Avatar 3D. Not bad. Not great but definitely worth the price of admission for the afternoon matinee.

I thought about killing an afternoon at the booby bar and seeing some naked women but I decided not to.

Figure with contract negotiations coming up this year I need to save my money. While I doubt the odds of a strike or lockout are small there still is the chance. I'm in a good spot financially if it comes to that. My lease is up at around the time the work stoppage could happen. I'll have enough to give my 60 notice when either the company or union give their notice of intent to lockout or strike. I'll just pack up my stuff and move in with my sister or mom until we get back to work. We have a strike fund so I can at least pay my truck note, insurance and gas. If we get locked out we get the strike fund and unemployment so I'll have my bases covered no matter what.

Well, I'm going to go get a few more vegetables to complete what I need for a beef soup. Then I'm curling up with a book while it cooks.

Sigh....Festivus is Over

The Festivus Holiday season is over. It was back to work today after a nice five day break. Fortunately it's one of my short weeks as I only work three days.

Well I think things with Sophia have hit a wall. We've exchanged a few text messages over the holidays but she didn't return a couple of my calls. She's usually very good about calling back and replying to texts. Her replies were very short and not much said. Something in the back of my mind wonders if she's seeing someone or just busy over the holidays.

Binks, my best friend, thought he was going to get fired from his job. They told him to come up with options when he and his supervisor were to meet with HR. That was three weeks ago. He talked to someone in the know. They told him not to worry cause they don't have shit on him. The supervisor just wants him out and is trying to force his hand. Fortunately he has the upper hand and can call the shots. She can't fire him and he will try to leverage her hate for him into a transfer. Or he hopes the second job he has can offer a few dollars more an hour and he can quit his first job.

Rebecca is her usual self. Not much going on with her. Just trying to keep her store above water and make it through this down time in the economy.

Any references to Violet will only be in the past tense. Even though I had her phone line suspended back in October I hadn't purged it from my account. I finally got around to that I think at the beginning of December. I hadn't done it because the penalty to shut off her phone was expensive. I finally did the math and figured it was cheaper to pay the one time fee and pay less per month once I did. It was very liberating. It felt like a weight and burden lifted off my back. I believe the Chapter of Violet is closed forever in my book.

That's my mini update for now.

Night.

The Pope

Pontiff Maximus

One of the gifts I have as Pope is the ability to pick up and have sex with strippers. That's right, I fuck strippers. It's not a habit I partake of often but I have a few notches on my bedpost due to strippers.

It's a mixed bag. Is it a gift or a curse? Not sure it's something to brag about but this blog is where I can sometimes reveal things I dare not reveal elsewhere.

So the latest squeeze I met a few weeks ago at one of the local haunts. It seemed a routine night for me. I was going to embark on a marathon of working overtime do I decided to let off a little steam before hand.

So she came and sat with me. I know she's hustling. It's what they do and how they make money. I know that. I harbor no illusions about what's going on. They are they to help create a fantasy and to make money. They aren't there to be a friend, lover, girlfriend or otherwise. They are there to make money. Period.

I must have some kind of charm around me sometimes. This started as a routine sit down, yeah let's go to the private area and get some dances.

It started off slow enough. Most strippers let you touch them, even though it's illegal locally, and even play with their breast and play some grab ass. In turn they may dry hump my hard rod and if she's really good she can make it feel real good. Not to the point of coming but pleasurable none the less.

So we go in the back where they have private rooms. She dances are simple enough. She rubs her ass on my crotch to wake my boy up. One she gets it working she turns around to let me see the front view. Very nice but I can tell they are fake. If not monstrous fake breast can not only look great but feel great too. Modern science has come a long way on fake tits. I reach up to cop a feel but she pushes me a way. I'm thinking this is one of the few who don't like tit touching. Fair enough. I just get a couple more dances and move to another stripper.

Then she slowly unleashed herself on me. It started with the light kiss and then she got wilder. The kisses can longer and harder. We went into full make out mode. We are open mouth kissing and some tongue action is going on. She turns to face me and gives me a mouth full of breasts.

As the night goes on she continues the dry hump dances. By this point my cock is screaming to come out and hard against my slacks. She's rubbing my dick between her ass cheeks. I tell her I need a break from her dancing. We sat a bit. The next go round she's really into it. We continue to making out While she's got her lip open with her tongue darting around in my mouth she's pumping my cock with her hand.

As it progresses, she unzips my pants partial and slides her hands into my pants. She reaches into my boxer jockeys and grips my cock. While she's kissing me she's giving me a great hand job. She's into it big time. She then leaned in for me to take her tits in my mouth and suck them. She starts to moan with fake pleasure? Remember I'm still skeptical.

She then puts her face between my legs and licks the outline of my hard on through my pants. She then put the head in her mouth and sucks on that and gives me a clothed blow job.

She stood up and pulled her thing aside to show me her pussy. At first she I thought she wanted me to take a look. She leaned over and said how wet I was making her. I slipped my finger into her pussy and she was soaked. I masturbated her for a while. Then she sat on my lap facing me letting me rub and suck her tits.

And so it went for a while. She claimed how exciting I was to work for and gave me a few dances on the house.

We exchanged numbers and decided another session is worth it.

Good night,
It's good to be the Pope

Bring in the New Year!

I'll bring the New Year of 2010 with a story about...

How the One Who Almost Was Became the One Who Never Will Be

Confusing enough? You won't be after this episode of Soap.


I'll try to keep it simple but it really isn't a simple story.

I'm not even going to give this woman a name like I normally do for my real life characters in this little Pope melodrama.

Okay, if you are up to date, you know I transferred positions within my company at the end of Spring 2009. It has been quiet an adjustment. In the process I became friends with a female coworker. We hit it off really well. How well? I thought that this might have relationship potential.

Of course there was one issue. Her live in boyfriend. Plus she's got her own issues. She swore up and down that she was eventually leaving him. So I kept thinking I can wait this out a bit. We did try to spend sometime together but low and behold he'd show up either uninvited or invited at the last minute. That got old real quick.

She's got a good heart and is to nice. She took in a worthless relative because he had no options left. She's basically treating someone in his mid 20s like a teenager, paying his court costs and a whole bunch of other shit to help him clear his record to go into the military. I don't have a problem with it but for the constant bitching.

This woman isn't from the area. By some weird fluke process the company offered her a job in this plant when she applied for a job in another plant in another state. It's unheard of within my company. But it's a good job so she took it but now she has no friends and family around her.

With no relatives or friends in the area she tries extremely hard to socialize with coworkers. I understand that. I don't do it on purpose cause I keep my social life and work life separate. Violet, Rebecca or any other woman I've dated has never been to a company function or met any coworkers. That's how I am. So besides me, she befriended another fellow transferee, also a woman. They hit it off great and go out to dinner and lonely girl tries to solve her problems.

Lonely Girl, there I gave her a name, also hit it off with another woman at work. This woman asked her to help plan a party. Lonely Girl is besides herself with joy that she has friends now. At first I was happy for her but over the weeks she doesn't shut the fuck up about the planning and the party. I don't give a rat's ass. So when she announced in the lunch room that some people were extremely jealous that she was invited and they weren't, it took everything I had in me to keep from doing two thing. First, I had to keep from throwing up. Second, I had to keep from mouthing off like I normally do. I wanted to stand up and yell,"Goddamn, no one gives a fuck. No one cares. You are making everybody fucking sick with your pretentious yammering on about it. I hope it goes up in fucking flames you Goddamn lunatic." Instead I looked at my coworker sitting next to me and rolled my eyes.

So the next thing she needed was to work day shift so she could take her relative to court. Understandable. A coworker volunteered to work Lonely Girl's night shift. It created a problem so someone else also volunteered to help out and stay on the night shift. Two people had to give up their day shifts to accommodate Lonely Girl's scheduling requests. I had to give up the peace and quiet of night shift to help her out. Basically three people got moved for her benefit. So the next time we are schedule to work days, the supervisor put us on nights. It's fair. Two people had to give up their day shifts and now are getting them back next week.

Lonely Girl goes ape shit and turns into the drama queen on how she can't work so many night shifts in a row, how she'll never get to work out with her coworker, ever, if they move her and blah blah blah blah.

I kept my lid shut. She wants to file a grievance. She always wants to file a grievance. My reply, I'm the shop steward, will be, I can't take it. She practiced in individual negotiation to get what she wanted. She didn't follow protocol to change shifts so now the supervisor is rectifying the imbalance created. Had she followed proper procedure she'd have a case but the Union can't back up individual deals. Also if I take the grievance the other two coworkers will have one to file too. They got screwed out of a day shift and can file one to get it back and they have a stronger case than Lonely Girl. She hasn't asked me to file one yet and I won't but I'm betting Monday that she will.

So that's how Lonely Girl went from potential relationship material to someone who never will be and is walking a fine line with me friendship wise to because I've come to the firm belief that she is just batshit fucking crazy.

Happy New Year,
Pope John Paul III