Dave's Not Here!

Dave's not here!!


Fuck. Change your address already. I've been living in the new apartment since late March. I shouldn't be getting your mail anymore. At first I was writing "Return to Sender" in big bold letters. Now I'm just throwing your shit away.

Funny thing though. You might want to clear that warrant up before you get arrested. Also it will save me the problem of showing the cops my ID when they show up here looking for your wanted ass.

Return from the Edge of Sanity

I'm beginning to think my mom's side of the family is inbred.

We had a big family reunion this weekend. I went thereby fulfilling my one obligatory family function per year. Someone dies or gets married then tough shit. I used up my family function visits for the year.

I had to spend the week at my sister's house since my mother gives away her rooms to out of towners and their guests while she will stick her own son on a small uncomfortable twin bed. A full size isn't comfortable for me anymore. I demand queen sized or better.

I go with my mom to my aunt's house to meet the out of town cousins and my God as soon as I saw them I heard the banjos going. Deliverance. Squeal like a piggy. You sure do got a purty mouth. Dueling Banjos. The visuals didn't stop. They must belong to the part of the family tree that doesn't branch. Holy shit I couldn't wait to get out of there. Cause then all the talk about God this and God that and amen and hallelujah how holy this and that.

So not only are they inbred, they are God freaks to. Maybe they think God is the road to redemption for the incest sins. I don't know.

At the big party on Saturday, I tell my cousin/goddaughter how I have this theory of our my grandparents (her great grandparents) were brother and sister. They were from a small community in South Texas. They had the same last name before marriage and the first names are eerily similar. Way back after the turn of the century, families didn't move around much. Small communities tended to consist mostly of family through blood or marriage. My guess is that they were at worst siblings, at best cousins. I told my cousin that at least it creates a new type of relative in our family. My sister is now my sister and cousin or sister-cousin.

Anyway, I complained to my sister all week about my mom's guests and how weird they were. At the party my brother, who I didn't see til the party, comes over to me and says he went by mom's to visit me. Instead he found a house full of freaks and weirdos. I love my family's sick sense of humor.

I avoided my mom the whole week. Just because I didn't feel like putting up with her or getting volunteered into anything. She has a tendency to make plans and not tell you that you are involved. She tried to get me to "volunteer" to take my aunt and uncle home after the party. I didn't budge from my stance of "you brought them, you take them home." My mom claims she can't see at night. I know it's bullshit cause she's out going to church, with her male friend and visiting my aunts at night. She just doesn't want to do it. I'm of the opinion not only if she brought them she returns them but why aren't my cousins bringing and taking their parents home? It's utter bullshit and I refuse to get sucked into the game.

Other than that I spent time with my bestest friend EVAR and spent some time with my nephews.

OH crap I gotta go back to work tomorrow. Fortunately I managed to turn this into a two day work week. I hate it when that happens.

Your Hardly Working Pope,
Jay-to-the-Pee-to-the-Three-Pope

Terry Therapy Sessions XVII

I couldn't schedule a face to face meeting with my therapist this month so we did a phone session.

The main topic to start was the death of my friend. I told her the details I knew about it. She asked me how I was coping. My coping was and still is in three stages: 1. Stunned and surprised. 2. Dammit, why did he do it. 3. Let it go because I'll never know his state of mind when he did it.

She asked me if his death brought any thoughts about using. At first I said no cause I really never thought about getting drunk. Then I remembered something. I told her I thought about having a beer in his memory since we used to go out drinking together. It was a fleeting thought though. I realized I have two years sober coming up next month. No need to break my sobriety yet.

I had some family issues between two cousins. They tried to drag me into their bullshit. I told them not to drag me into it. I was doing one of them a favor and that's it. So what if the other didn't like it. It was none of her business just like my business on why I was doing the favor. I was just helping someone out who asked and it was a reasonable request. Nothing more. Nothing less. Terry said I handled the situation perfectly.

She did ask me about Violet and how I'm handling her. I told her I was done. I tried my best but I can't help a person who won't help herself. I've tried to distance myself from her and not allow her to take me down.

I guess that was the major points. There was some follow up on how I was doing with things we discussed previously.

I guess the main thing for me was to get the suicide of my friend out in the open. Work provided a grief counselor and some coworkers asked me to go with them to see the counselor. I declined. The went for whatever reason they needed to go. I knew I had my session with Terry coming up and would discuss it with her.

Well, gotta schlep out of town for a few days. My aunt's 80th birthday is coming up. I commit to one family function per year and this one is it.

Adios,
JP3

Final Farewell to My Friend

Today was the funeral of my friend. Sadly it was self inflicted. I don't know what drove him to his final actions. If he left a note or anyone knows anything, they aren't saying.

To me it doesn't matter. My friend is gone. I'll never know his state of mind when he did it. Maybe one day I will.

The whole affair has been heartbreaking. Less than 12 hours before his end, I was joking and laughing with him. Nothing seemed wrong. No indications or hints that something so tragic was coming.

I pray for his family. They will need the strength in the days and years to come. I pray for the two youngest. Seeing them and hearing the daughter speak just made things tougher.

At first I had hoped that the rumors were just that...rumors. No one wants to believe someone so close can take their own life. Yet it proved to be true.

At first I was shocked and stunned to hear about the death. Now I'm just saddened and heartbroken for him and his family. I keep saying to myself,"Goddammit, why did you do it?" Then I remind myself that more than likely he wasn't in his right mind anymore.

What ever the reason he did it, I hope it brings him the peace he was probably seeking. His actions may seem unforgivable and angering but his life is over. There is no reason to carry any bitterness or anger toward one who is no longer alive. I pray the family can move on and not guilt themselves into bitterness or hatred. Instead I hope they keep him alive in their hearts and remember him how they loved him best.

Personally, I feel sorry for him and his family. It's tragic. It's easier for me to let go. He's my friend and I'll miss him but we all have to move on. For me this event is tragic but I won't let it blemish my memories of my friend. Instead I'll remember the fishing trips, the beer drinking and the countless laughs we shared.

So long old friend. I hope you find what you were looking for.

The Still Grieving Pope

Good Bye, My Friend :-(

My good friend and coworker died suddenly last night.

I'm in shock and stunned by it. He wasn't sick or in bad health. He was fit as a fiddle. He was part of the emergency crews at work. You have to be in top physical condition for that. Yet he's gone.

He was only a few years older than me. This death hits to close to home.

When I started at BOC many moons and years ago, he was one of the first employees to befriend me. I felt honored that he considered me a friend. He didn't think highly of most people at work. Yet he was always my friend and always helped me with stuff at work if I had problems. It didn't hurt that he thought I was a crazy mother fucker and fun to work with.

He was one of the few I associated with outside of work. We used to go fishing. We used to go drinking many times after work. The mother could drink beer like no other. In my drinking heyday I could drink him under the table. That's saying a lot!

I've lost relatives to death including my father.

I've lost friends to distance and time but this is the first friend I lose to death.

I'm still to stunned to be sad. Yet I felt empty at work today knowing that I'll never see him and his funny walks again. I'll never get to yell out my nickname for him whenever he walked by. He was a hell of a story and joke teller. I'll never hear those words from him again. I'll miss him calling me a "crazy mother fucker" or a "sick fuck."

At least my last two days working with him were memorable. On the 4th of July he cooked for us at work. Yesterday, his last on Earth, I went to the back area where he was working. We were cutting up and joking. The memories are no big events but they are the type worth carrying for a lifetime.

He leaves behind a young family. I feel for them. Like them, I lost my father unexpectedly and in apparent good health. I'll keep them in my prayers.

Most of all, I'll miss my good friend, fishing partner and former drinking buddy.

So long good friend. May you find peace and rest in the next world.

Your grieving Pope,
JP3