Terry Therapy Session XVI and more

Terry Therapy
Last week was my monthly therapy session. I actually look forward to them. They are no longer a requirement by work but I choose to still attend on my own. I think it's better than those stupid AA meetings. Now that is a requirement but work doesn't follow up on it or ask me to get anything signed at meetings so I just don't go.

As for the session itself, we covered a lot of ground in my hour. Nothing earth shattering.

What Terry pointed out to me was how I've been channeling my frustrations, anxieties and all the other emotions that lead me to drink to other outlets. The two prime examples were when the transfer at work and my trainer were getting on my nerves. I talked to my supervisor after I was done training and asked for some time off. In the past I would have went straight for the bottle. I forgot exactly what else she brought up but that I took time out for myself one day and just went to a movie. Once again it was a situation where I would just decided to get drunk and numb myself for a while.

I also brought up the anger issue I've been having the last few months. She just told me that's a part of life. We all get angry. What matters is what we do with that anger. Do I got out and belt someone cause they pissed me off or do I walk away and calm down? Do I get angry and cause a scene at a store or do I go up the management chain to see I get what I need or want? I gave her the examples of my anger and what I did. She said I handled myself well. Also she pointed out that it was those exact scenarios that a few years ago would have pushed me off the edge and into a nice long drunk. She's right.

I also brought up my frustrations with Sophia. Terry just told me that I have to be patient. She says I'm handling it the right way. But if things don't work out I'll know when I have enough and will decide to move on. It's what everybody tells me about Sophia. Be patient.

Violet's Deep Dark Depression
I can't help her anymore. Violet's falling into a deep dark hole. She's falling into a spot where I can't reach her. Not only can I not reach her but I don't want to. I've given it my all to save her from herself. She can't muster up the courage to face her depression. I can't save her if she doesn't want the help.

It hurts to see someone who has been a big part of my life for over twelve years to suffer like she is. I feel very helpless. The best I can say is I did my best for her. I took all the steps possible to move past her problems. I can't carry her burden for her. She must carry the burdens herself. It's not to much for her to bare but it takes strength and courage. Strength and courage are virtues she doesn't have. She thinks she does but no one who does curls up in to a figurative fetal position and bury her head in the sand.

I can't allow her to drag be down with her. I'll always lend her an ear to talk to and a shoulder to cry on but I refuse to be sucked down the abyss with her.

I think she's up to something drastic. I'm not sure what but she's up to something. I've tried to warn her that she's going to go a step to far and I'm going to cut her off from my existence. I value myself to much to allow her to throw me down one into my depressions.

This just maybe goodbye Violet. Forever.

I've got plenty more to write but just the lines about Violet took it out of me. Maybe I'll be back soon with more. I need to go clean my apartment to.

Your Almost Waving Goodbye Forever to Violet Pope!
Regards.

For My Ears Only

I was walking by one of my coworkers the other day. She called me over and said,"Hey I've got something I want to tell you."

I'm thinking oh shit what did I say or do? I've known her since we were both contractors twelve years ago. Then I'm thinking crap. Since I'm a union steward she has an issue she needs to tell me about. I'm already coming up with excuses in my mind to tell her I'm not her steward, to go ask them and then me if they won't help her out.

She caught me completely off guard when she said,"Hey, I just wanted you to know that I never said anything to anyone about when I saw you at that place with my son."

Then it came back to me. Me and her son were in rehab together. She saw me once when she dropped him off.

She assured me that she never said anything about it to anyone. She believes that it was something that no one should repeat or mention. Whatever I was doing there is completely confidential that she wouldn't dare break that.

I thanked her and said I never gave it a second thought. It's the truth. I saw her there one day and we talked briefly but she never asked why I was there or what was going on. I really appreciated that. Since that time I a thought about it never entered my mind.

She just wanted to reassure me that she wouldn't betray my trust.

I wanted to hug her right then and there. It was a really sweet thing she did for me. She didn't have to say a word to me. I wasn't worried about it at all. That she went out her way to let me know what she thought actually made my day.

Violet meet Sophia, Bwahahahahaha!

Of course I'm gaga over Sophia. Not only is she in my thoughts through out the day but I have a recurring daydream about me, her and Violet. Settle down, Beavis. It's not a three way. Shit, like I'd ever fuck Violet again.

Anyway, in this recurring scenario, me and Sophia are finally a couple. That should be enough right there. But remember, I'm a vicious, angry Pope.

I don't know how or why but Violet runs in to me and Sophia some where. The whole time Violet knows I have a new female companion. (I refuse to use the term girlfriend. It's so juvenile sounding. Plus I like the term some lesbians use..."female companion" or "life partner"). Anyhow, Violet had never met Sophia. So this one fantastical day she gets to meet her on accident.

Here I am with this stunningly beautiful hot latina woman as my new life partner and I can just see the blood drain from Violet's face. Reality hits that not only am I not ever going back to her but I've scored so far above Violet's level that after I taste Valhalla I won't return to Hell.

It's petty but delicious thoughts that I have through out the day.

For the love of God I hope they never meet if me and Sophia ever end up together. I'll do like I did with the previous three...Violet, Rebecca and as of yet unnamed South American ex-female companions never met. Especially Violet and unnamed South American girl, those two hated each other with a passion. Violet did meet the girl I dated before her but she has no clue that me and this woman dated.

One little correction. Rebecca and Sophia have met. In fact if it wasn't for Rebecca I never would have met Sophia. I went so far as to set them up a business deal. That's a violation of the unwritten code. Never let your main squeeze meet your goumada.

Just a quick little peak into the types of thoughts that float through my petty mind on a slow work day.

Your Daydreaming About Petty Stuff Pope

If I Were a Horse...They Just Might Shoot Me

I've had it with my fucking left knee. I've been hobbling around off and on since October of last year. When I asked the doctor about it back then he asked how intense the pain was. At the time it wasn't very intense only annoying. He said take some anti-inflammatory meds over the counter.

Fast forward to earlier this year. The pain was occurring more frequent and more intense. I've tried in vain to find a cause for it without going to the doctor. I tried new shoes. That helps for a while. I tried thicker socks. That seemed to help. Not anymore.

I can walk ten miles and not feel any pain. My problem is when I sit down or bend my knee. The first few steps not only are painful but sometimes I can't put my full weight down. It so bad now that when I get out of the truck I have to hold on to it until I can put weight on my leg. Then I can walk forever.

More distressing is I can feel my knee pop sometimes when I walk. No pain when it pops but damn it can't be a good thing. I also noticed last week how tender it is when I touch the inner side of my knee.

All this is probably leading up to a few things. At worst knee replacement and at best a brace. Rest isn't going to heal this puppy up. Something isn't connected right anymore. My sister, who only God knows how, has some medical knowledge, speculates that my knee will have to be scoped.

A couple of people have asked my why haven't I done anything about it yet. June 1 of this year marks my one year return to work after my six month sabbatical that started in 2006. I didn't have my full benefits back before June 1. I still had disability pay but at half my pay rate. I'm now back to full pay if I have to take extended time off.

Today though was the day that I got tired of Wounded Knee. At approximately 6:30 p.m. I called the doctor's office and set an appointment for next week.

See you later mother phukkers,
Pope Wounded Knee

"You know how to whistle, don't you...You just put your lips together and blow my meat whistle!"

I was bored. Extremely bored. How bored was I? I spent the weekend with Violet.

Normally I don't mind doing things by myself. Hell I enjoy it. Fishing, dog track, vacations, roadies to Louisiana to gamble, titty bars, movies and going out to eat. I love it all and enjoy my aloneness. This week I went down to Galveston and almost killed outta shape ass on my bike. I took in the new Terminator movie. I went to the dog track and then the nudie bar afterward. All alone. I liked it.

So Saturday I'm bored. I called good old Violet to check in on her and her depression. I knew she hadn't had a good meal in a while. Depression does that. I know first hand. So asked her if she wanted to get dinner after work and she said yes.

The place I was in the mood for was where we had one of our first dates. While there a flood of memories hit me. Our life together. Then my post-Violet girlfriend came to mind. I haven't come up with a good name for her yet. But I took her there once to and it was the point in the relationship when we were talking marriage and all that fun shit. I almost proposed to her. The weird thing after that was when we were leaving. A man stopped us in the parking lot and gave me flowers to give "to your beautiful wife." So all these thoughts of Violet and ex-beautiful Colombian girlfriend came to mind.

So what do I do? I come up with the idea of spending today in Galveston and at the Moody Gardens with Violet. I realized after the fact that this is where me and ex-Colombian girlfriend spent New Years 2000 at. Is there a doctor in the house? Paging Dr. Freud.

The reason I asked Violet to do something was I was coming off my anger of last week and starting on a downward cycle. I just didn't want to be alone today.

Sophia, or the lack of, was what was bringing me down. As much as I want to write her off, I can't. The rational part of me was saying move on and find someone else. Another voice was telling me don't give up. So I was going batty thinking about her and I didn't want to be left to my own devices this weekend.

I told myself not to call her this weekend. I almost made it. After I dropped Violet off, I sent Sophia a text message in Spanish (Sophia is beautiful South American woman!) asking her if everything is okay. I didn't even put my phone down and it rang. I thought it was Violet calling me for God knows what.

It was Sophia calling. The first words out of her mouth were,"Pope, I'm so sorry. I got your messages. I've been so busy with work and my Mom. I feel so bad. I wasn't ignoring you." She went on to tell me about work, her mom's neediness and other time consuming stuff. She said sometimes when she does get a moment to herself she wants to keep it that way. I can definitely understand that.

We had a nice conversation. Of course there was the promise of seeing each other soon. I hope so. I miss her dearly. I want us to pick up where we left off before my troubles. As I've said before, I need to win her heart back. She just needs to give me the chance.

Amazing. I feel 100% different than I did 24 hours ago.

Angry Jewish Pope Ranting and Raving

In general I'm an angry person. I don't like people. I have a small group of friends that I'm fiercely loyal to but outside of that I don't care much for new folks entering my life.

Today I'm angrier than normal. And not Denis Leary angry either. My slope downward probably started a couple of days ago.

What started the ball rolling? More than likely Violet. Tuesday she sends me a text message on how depressed she is and that she doesn't want to talk to anyone. She said she'd call me the next day. I replied did something happen. She said she'd explain it later. So here it is on Thursday and no word. It pisses me off that she tries to invoke my sympathies with her pathetic rhetoric. I don't know if she was drunk but later I get the "I love you. A lot. If nothing else you are my best friend always." Great. My ex-girlfriend is now my BFF.

I've been wanting to paint my car but I've been ineligible to work any overtime at work while I train on my new job. Now that I'm certified on one job I can work overtime. Problem is that I got so sick of being there after three weeks that I took two weeks off. So while I'm not working OT there is no extra money to paint the car. It doesn't help that I took a nice chunk out of my savings for a down payment on the truck. So that has me a little edgy to.

I let William borrow the car while I was out of town. Generally Will is a pretty stand up guy. Unfortunately he chose this weekend not to be one. My car got egged while it was at his house. He didn't clean it up right away and I now have egg etched into my paint job. It looks just lovely.

I picked up the car yesterday from my mechanic. Naturally when I get home the thing I took it in originally to get fixed is still broken. He had it fixed but my car decided that it didn't want to remain fixed. I have to take it back soon.

Finally I'm fed up with Poindexter and his bullshit. I fronted the money to him and William to buy NFL season tickets with me. Will has promptly paid me back. Dork Dexter hasn't. Every fucking time I ask about my money he either ignores my texts, tells me he's mailing it that week or has a laundry list of excuses. One day I told him, look mother fucker, you're not the only one with expenses. I got my move, my car, my teeth, strippers and I want a new TV. So then last week the bank allegedly screwed up his account and bounced some checks. Then this week it was something with a new job and God knows what else.

The bottom line is this: He owes me the fucking money. I'm tired of his excuses. The tickets are going up online at stubhub.com. I've joked in previous entries that he doesn't have a job. Sadly I think it's true. Binks says that Dex keeps coming up with excuses cause he doesn't have a job. Binks thinks it's typical Dex. Always bragging about having this and that but really doesn't have shit. Well fuck you Dex. Conveniently he's ignored my text today. I've had it. I told him this cat and mouse shit is getting old.

I thought ranting and raving on the blog would calm me down. Instead I can feel the steam coming out of my ears and my blood pressure rising exactly 121 points.

Fuck off,
The Pope

Down time, nicknames, new truck

I'm taking vacation from work. This straight day gig isn't as easy to adjust to as I thought it would be. I actually got pretty pissed on what normally would be my night shift. I didn't want to work the day shift. Amazingly my body, mentally and physically, had adjusted to working the rotating shifts.

The straight day deal isn't permanent yet. I still need one person senior to me to die or retire. Once I get trained on three more job posts I get kicked to rotating again. It figures that I'll probably adjust to days right when I go back on rotation.

I spent the weekend at visiting my mom, sister, Binks and Poindexter. Old Dex is such a dork...hence the name. I've known him since middle and school. The man hasn't changed one bit. He and Binks no longer talk. Binks got tired of his bullshit. Binks also thinks Dex is a pedo at worst, a homo at best. Binks doesn't want him around his kids.

Obviously, to maintain anonymity I change people's names. Poindxter comes from the Revenge of the Nerds character to describe my ultimate dorkiest friend:


The name Binks comes from my friend's favorite comic strip: Bloom County. I picked the name Binks cause it's short for Binkley; the Bloom County character my friend most resembles. Actually it's uncanny how much they look alike.


That's just a little history on why some of the names I pick are kind of weird.

Moving back the show. Nothing of any significance happened while I was gone. Thank God, Allah, Zeus and Vishnu.

The main reason I went was to get away from Houston for a few days and also show off my new truck. It was a whim purchase but something I've been wanting for a while. I want it for my fishing adventures and also my other car is getting up in years. Time to let the old gal rest. She deserves it.

Maybe I'll discuss how pissed Violet was when I bought the thing at a later date. All her reaction did was reinforce in my already made up mind on why she's my ex-girlfriend and why I never married her. It's good to have an occasional reminder even though I know better.

Well, that's my quick blurb for now.

Go molest a priest tomorrow,
Pope JPIII