I had my first date with Mary Jane last Sunday. More on that and other things later.
My friend's mother died recently. Tonight was the visitation. Thankfully it was closed casket. I can't stand seeing the body of person I don't know. Relatives is one thing but someone I don't know personally bothers me.
As usual with such circumstances one reflects on life. I look back on some of the things I've been through and done. I realized I have few regrets. My drinking, my DWIs, Sophia are about the only things in my life I've let get away from me. The ex-girlfriends I don't regret. Even if things didn't work out, I got to know love and closeness and tenderness. I know in the future I more than likely will again.
I'm going to be 42. At this age I don't think many of my friends see the end. I don't sense the end yet but I know 20 or 30 years down the year I will see it. Does it bother me? Not in the least. I'm not afraid of death. I don't want to die just yet but when my time comes I believe I can handle it.
In reality I'd love to live to be at least a 100 with my wit and dry sense of humor still intact. Since I don't have or want children, I'd like to die with a dear friend, spiritual adviser or an still unborn great niece or nephew. It's not a sad thought. It's reality.
I hope when I pass on that people celebrate my life. I don't want mourning. I want the people who I care about to smile or laugh when they think of me. The ones I don't like or care about I don't give a shit what they think.
Happy thoughts tonight...night.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Sunday, October 3, 2010
The Friends Before Relationship Myth
There is a myth perpetuated by those that don't know any better. The myth states that a couple that is great friends will have a long lasting committed strong relationship. BULLSHIT!
I was talking to a coworker of mine who recently went through a divorce. He asked me if I'd ever been married. I said no. So he asked if I was cool with being unmarried or would I consider marriage. I said it's not a priority but I'm not against marriage. It would take an extraordinary woman for me to truly love and marry. But I'm not one of those people who conform to the "norms" of society just to satisfy others.
He asked me how long I was in my last relationship (Rebecca). I told him four years. But I'm not sure because we were great friends before and some where we crossed that line. We didn't even admit it to our friends for a while. It wasn't til a friend of ours noticed how we looked at each other cornered me and asked me about it. Then we were officially outed. He was amazed that we lasted four years without getting married. He thought two years was max and that a decision had to be made then. I said buddy that isn't the way it works. It was in year three I decided we were done but I was going to make her put me out. I was miserable but she had to make the move. He didn't get that at all....neither do I but it was something I did.
It's when I explained to him that the lie that great friends do not make great partners. I told him me and Rebecca were great friends before and after...we just can't be together.
When Dee in Tampa broke down and professed her love for me based on our friendship I was stunned. I'll have sex with her, I'll hang out with her and I've stated that we can't be more than that. I have boundaries set with most women. Mary Jane, I know what I'm up to with her. The nameless Argentinian girl, I know what I'm up to with her. Another woman, Jessica, I know what's going on with her. Rebecca, I knew what I was doing....I knew I was crossing the line from friend to lover. I also bought into the myth. The relationship with Rebecca forever shattered the myth. When Dee tried the friendship argument with me, it failed. It failed because I know better. It failed because I know a friendship isn't solely the reason to build a relationship.
The old saying, "You can pick your friends but you can't pick your relatives" has a partial truth to it. What it leaves out is friends are the relatives you pick. True friends are actually as close as siblings or at least my friends are. So if my friends are sibling like, how can I cross that line? It almost becomes incestuous to take a friend as a partner, lover or whatever. Laugh as much as you want at that reasoning but it's true to me. I have a female friend who I call my twin. People tell me we should end up together....no, that's my sister you're talking about. Gross.
So then how if I discount my female friends as lovers, who is eligible? That I can't pinpoint. It starts as a casual attraction somewhere. Good looking, nice ass, nice boobs, cute face, nice hair, sense of humor, nice smile, intelligence...something has to be a precursor. Not all the things I listed. It could be an intelligent woman with a great sense of humor without all the physical attributes I listed. I'm not shallow. But there has to be an attraction some where on the physical or intellectual level.
One final note on the subject. People often ask me what I look for in a woman. I always answer that I can't answer that question. Every woman is unique. I can't limit myself to one particular type of woman. I won't know until I meet her. I just can't answer that question.
This post ran longer than I intended...good night.
I was talking to a coworker of mine who recently went through a divorce. He asked me if I'd ever been married. I said no. So he asked if I was cool with being unmarried or would I consider marriage. I said it's not a priority but I'm not against marriage. It would take an extraordinary woman for me to truly love and marry. But I'm not one of those people who conform to the "norms" of society just to satisfy others.
He asked me how long I was in my last relationship (Rebecca). I told him four years. But I'm not sure because we were great friends before and some where we crossed that line. We didn't even admit it to our friends for a while. It wasn't til a friend of ours noticed how we looked at each other cornered me and asked me about it. Then we were officially outed. He was amazed that we lasted four years without getting married. He thought two years was max and that a decision had to be made then. I said buddy that isn't the way it works. It was in year three I decided we were done but I was going to make her put me out. I was miserable but she had to make the move. He didn't get that at all....neither do I but it was something I did.
It's when I explained to him that the lie that great friends do not make great partners. I told him me and Rebecca were great friends before and after...we just can't be together.
When Dee in Tampa broke down and professed her love for me based on our friendship I was stunned. I'll have sex with her, I'll hang out with her and I've stated that we can't be more than that. I have boundaries set with most women. Mary Jane, I know what I'm up to with her. The nameless Argentinian girl, I know what I'm up to with her. Another woman, Jessica, I know what's going on with her. Rebecca, I knew what I was doing....I knew I was crossing the line from friend to lover. I also bought into the myth. The relationship with Rebecca forever shattered the myth. When Dee tried the friendship argument with me, it failed. It failed because I know better. It failed because I know a friendship isn't solely the reason to build a relationship.
The old saying, "You can pick your friends but you can't pick your relatives" has a partial truth to it. What it leaves out is friends are the relatives you pick. True friends are actually as close as siblings or at least my friends are. So if my friends are sibling like, how can I cross that line? It almost becomes incestuous to take a friend as a partner, lover or whatever. Laugh as much as you want at that reasoning but it's true to me. I have a female friend who I call my twin. People tell me we should end up together....no, that's my sister you're talking about. Gross.
So then how if I discount my female friends as lovers, who is eligible? That I can't pinpoint. It starts as a casual attraction somewhere. Good looking, nice ass, nice boobs, cute face, nice hair, sense of humor, nice smile, intelligence...something has to be a precursor. Not all the things I listed. It could be an intelligent woman with a great sense of humor without all the physical attributes I listed. I'm not shallow. But there has to be an attraction some where on the physical or intellectual level.
One final note on the subject. People often ask me what I look for in a woman. I always answer that I can't answer that question. Every woman is unique. I can't limit myself to one particular type of woman. I won't know until I meet her. I just can't answer that question.
This post ran longer than I intended...good night.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)