From session on June 12, 2008
Normally I blog from work but I put a stop to that. I don't need work to know all the Pope's business. In a new topic in my blog, I decided to include the notes I take for myself after I have a session with my therapist. Her name is Teresa so I'm calling notes The Terry Therapy Sessions. Novel huh?
While I usually write things down after a session, I didn't last time because nothing significant came out of it. Thursday's session was a better session.
One of the things we are looking at is my relationships with women or lack of one. She asked why me and Rebecca broke up. I told her I caught her cheating. Besides Rebecca being my enabler why did I stay with her? Was I thinking marriage? I was at some point but then I felt things were getting stale. All we did was drink, go out to eat and just hang out. Also I told her I wasn't going to leave. Rebecca was the one who was going to end the relationship.
She also delved into two of my previous relationships. She asked me why did me and Christina break up. We just never fell in love and decided to move on after a year. She asked about Rosa. I told her honestly I didn't know. That was years ago. She even predated the Violet years.
She asked me if drinking was a problem in those relationships. Not with Christina but there were a few occasions in which Rosa was upset with my drinking. It did cause a few problems with us. We always had a good time and Rosa thought the world of me. I thought the world of her too but sometimes things are just not meant to be. Me and Rosa never really officially broke up. We just kind of drifted but stayed great friends. How great? I was a groomsman in her wedding. I thought it was a joke when we pledged that if we didn't get married we would be in each other's weddings. So I was pleasantly surprised when she and her fiance asked me to be in there wedding.
My therapist thinks I might set my expectations for a relationship too high. That I felt me and Rebecca stagnated but in reality most couple's level out. The new giddy feeling wears out after a while. And that's something I need to realize. That if I want a long term relationship then I'll have to learn that it will mature and the newness will go away. The love in the relationship doesn't go away but the relationship matures and a routine sets in. However the couple needs to find ways to stave off some of the oldness like date night, special occasions and looking to do things together that both enjoy. Those all signs that a couple has grown together.
Another relationship issue I might have is communication. I didn't voice my concerns with Rebecca. I didn't tell her my expectations for our relationship. One of the reasons she may have cheated was I didn't tell her what I wanted. Like me, she may have thought every thing had reached a peak in our relationship. With me not us not communicating our intentions, we didn't express our needs and expectations for each other. Instead of seeking out each other, she may have gone looking to have her expectations and needs else where.
In the future relationships, or even when I meet someone new, I need to start thinking about what I want. I also need to learn to relay those expectations. Not that I should scare off a new woman by saying I want a serious relationship and marriage and kids and all those things. No, that would just drive someone off when I just meet her. However, as the relationship grows, we should keep the lines of communication open and if things gradually changes, we should discuss it.
She also wants me to think about my drinking patters. Why some nights can I have one or two drinks and stop. Why on other nights, know I have to work, did I go off on a binge. She says I'm capable of making good decisions but I just use poor judgment. I did tell her I don't know why some nights I behaved and other nights I binged. There is some trigger there but we might not find it since I can't recall what sets off the binge.
I told her I started to realize I was stuck in that college boy party mode. In the mean time most of my friends were getting married and having families. The only way I grew up is I had a job. I, however, didn't mature beyond that 22 year old drinking party animal. I'm starting t realize I'm going to be forty and getting to old for this type of behavior. She told me this line of thinking was a sign that I was maturing and moving on in my life from that phase. She also noted that reflecting on my life like that is another sign I'm maturing.
She told me the reason most relationships fail is due to one of three reasons: money, child rearing and cheating. While those were the reasons, it's lack of communication is the underlying reason on the failure. I think she's trying to drive home the point that if I want to have a long term relationship I need to get into the proper mode about communicating.
I told her about the whole Violet incident with her last boyfriend. She told me Violet reaches out to me because she feels safe with me. That's a sign of having a strong character. I should have some pride in that people sense that strength of character in me and that they turn to me for moral support.
After the session, I did some more reflections on the strength of character and why people reach out to me. Lily sought me out after years of not talking. Her marriage was falling apart and she turned to me when she needed a friend. She didn't want money, she didn't want sex, she just wanted a person who she could trust and talk to. Someone who wouldn't judge her or criticize here. Dee in Tampa also turns to me in friendship. Swami turns to me sometimes. Even Rebecca calls just when she needs to get things out or needs a friend. A lot of people trust and value my friendship. The know I don't judge them and they know they can trust me. I won't turn them away because I am loyal to them. I can be fair and objective. It's not to say I don't speak out when I think they are doing things wrong. My love and friendship may be unconditional but I don't always approve what their actions and I will let them know that.
Overall, I got a few things out of this last session. I am maturing in my life. I realize my partying behavior isn't right for someone my age. That in realizing that I am maturing. I also need to open myself up more in relationships with women. I need to learn to communicate my expectations and not let things stagnate. If I feel stagnation sets on, I need to look at why. Did the relationship really stagnate or am I holding my expectations in the relationship too high? The newness of relationships wears off. I have to make an effort keep things fresh and communicate what I expect. The key is to keep the lines of communication open and not bottle things up in me.
Well that's all I have tonight....
Goodnight to you all,
Honza Pavel III (Czech translation of John Paul III)
Monday, June 16, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Upcoming vacations, Lily, Violet update and rambling Rebecca
Well I getting back into the groove at work. I've already been popped twice in one week for unannounced drug tests. It's all part of the deal I signed to allow me back to work.
I also put in for a week off in later this month and a week off in August. The later part of this month I'm going to visit my mom and family. I haven't seen my mom since Christmas. I haven't seen my sister and her family in over a year. I feel bad that I haven't seen my nephews. They've grown so much in over a year.
In August I'm going to visit Dee in Tampa. That should be a week of eating, movie watching and sex. I need to get laid. It's been almost a year. Obviously I'm looking forward to that.
A couple of weeks ago I was tooling around MySpace.com and I found my old goumada. I was with her when I dated Christina the Colombian girl back in 2001-2002. Her name is Jessica. We messed around for quiet a time. I messed with her not only when I was seeing Christina but also when I went back for round three with Violet. She's a nice girl but very depressed. I talked to a mutual friend and she said that Jessica suffered from severe depression. I tried to get Jessica to do more things with me as far a dating. After me and Christina broke up I thought maybe I could start something up with her. She wasn't game for it though. Probably cause she was seeing other guys on the sly.
Anyway, I requested her as a friend on MySpace.com but she didn't respond. Or she declined it. I was hoping she would accept but I know she's moved on. The part I left out is that she was a stripper. That's how I met her. I figure she's not stripping anymore and wants to move on from that part of her life. I don't blame her. At least it seems she's doing okay.
Was I right or was I right about Violet? I wrote that I put the over under on her latest relationship at four months. It was a push. It lasted four months. It was a typical Violet relationship. She meets a guy, starts using him for money and fun. She told me this guy was a jealous guy. That one day he followed her to work and watch from the outside. A customer went into the store. After the customer left, Violet's boyfriend went into the store and accused her of having another man on the side. Violet told him he'd lost his mind. The boyfriend freaked out about a customer.
I'm not sure exactly when she dumped him. After they broke up, he showed up at her place a few nights later. He was banging on her door and yelling at her. She finally relented and let him in. Things got heated and he hit her a few times. She retaliated by throwing a vase at him. The cops were called and they were both arrested. She was let go with no charges but he was hit with an assault charge.
Things only got worse from there. He was paying for her insurance on his policy. Obviously after the break up he took her off the policy. Three nights later her car was stolen. She reported it to the cops but they said unless he's caught with the car there is nothing they can do about it. So now she's without a car and is stuck with a $300 car note for another year.
I don't know what her next move is going to be. She's in a tight spot but she'll be ok. I did offer to let her stay with me if she wanted to move back to Texas. I hate to see a friend suffering so much. If I can be of any help I'd gladly do it.
Finally, about a week ago, Rebecca drunk dialed me. She and her daughter had gone out to celebrate Gina's successfully finishing her school year. Rebecca just talked on and on about nothing. She's struggling with her business right now. I'm not too worried about that though. Her store is very cyclical. Her daughter is going to Egypt for the summer. Her uncle invited her to go stay with him. He's single and has no kids so he's paying for everything. I'm jealous. I hope she enjoys herself.
Well that's all for now. I gotta go get ready for work.
Adios,
The Pontiff Maximus
I also put in for a week off in later this month and a week off in August. The later part of this month I'm going to visit my mom and family. I haven't seen my mom since Christmas. I haven't seen my sister and her family in over a year. I feel bad that I haven't seen my nephews. They've grown so much in over a year.
In August I'm going to visit Dee in Tampa. That should be a week of eating, movie watching and sex. I need to get laid. It's been almost a year. Obviously I'm looking forward to that.
A couple of weeks ago I was tooling around MySpace.com and I found my old goumada. I was with her when I dated Christina the Colombian girl back in 2001-2002. Her name is Jessica. We messed around for quiet a time. I messed with her not only when I was seeing Christina but also when I went back for round three with Violet. She's a nice girl but very depressed. I talked to a mutual friend and she said that Jessica suffered from severe depression. I tried to get Jessica to do more things with me as far a dating. After me and Christina broke up I thought maybe I could start something up with her. She wasn't game for it though. Probably cause she was seeing other guys on the sly.
Anyway, I requested her as a friend on MySpace.com but she didn't respond. Or she declined it. I was hoping she would accept but I know she's moved on. The part I left out is that she was a stripper. That's how I met her. I figure she's not stripping anymore and wants to move on from that part of her life. I don't blame her. At least it seems she's doing okay.
Was I right or was I right about Violet? I wrote that I put the over under on her latest relationship at four months. It was a push. It lasted four months. It was a typical Violet relationship. She meets a guy, starts using him for money and fun. She told me this guy was a jealous guy. That one day he followed her to work and watch from the outside. A customer went into the store. After the customer left, Violet's boyfriend went into the store and accused her of having another man on the side. Violet told him he'd lost his mind. The boyfriend freaked out about a customer.
I'm not sure exactly when she dumped him. After they broke up, he showed up at her place a few nights later. He was banging on her door and yelling at her. She finally relented and let him in. Things got heated and he hit her a few times. She retaliated by throwing a vase at him. The cops were called and they were both arrested. She was let go with no charges but he was hit with an assault charge.
Things only got worse from there. He was paying for her insurance on his policy. Obviously after the break up he took her off the policy. Three nights later her car was stolen. She reported it to the cops but they said unless he's caught with the car there is nothing they can do about it. So now she's without a car and is stuck with a $300 car note for another year.
I don't know what her next move is going to be. She's in a tight spot but she'll be ok. I did offer to let her stay with me if she wanted to move back to Texas. I hate to see a friend suffering so much. If I can be of any help I'd gladly do it.
Finally, about a week ago, Rebecca drunk dialed me. She and her daughter had gone out to celebrate Gina's successfully finishing her school year. Rebecca just talked on and on about nothing. She's struggling with her business right now. I'm not too worried about that though. Her store is very cyclical. Her daughter is going to Egypt for the summer. Her uncle invited her to go stay with him. He's single and has no kids so he's paying for everything. I'm jealous. I hope she enjoys herself.
Well that's all for now. I gotta go get ready for work.
Adios,
The Pontiff Maximus
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