Terry Therapy Session XIII, Other Stuff

Terry Therapy Sessions XIII
It's been over two weeks since the actual session. I usually write something the day of or after the session. So I really can't remember much of what we talked about.

I know we talked about the upcoming changes in my life. The impending move, the reinstatement of my drivers license and finding new and interesting ways to stay sober.

At the end of the session she proclaimed me officially done. She told me I pretty much had my shit together and sounded like I had a solid plan in place.

She said that we could continue sessions if I wanted to. I said yes immediately. Terry helps me talk through and process ideas and my life in general. It's something all my wonderful rehab classes stress. Find a way to cope and process before I relapse. Since I hate those fucking rehab groups and AA meetings, Terry is my coping tool.

Plus right now I'm cooped up in my apartment. I can't go anywhere easily. Once I'm out and about again I'm sure I will need my therapist again. I'm sure issues will pop up. I know issues will arise. Maybe not drinking but life is out there waiting for me and I need help to learn how to cope. I can't easily walk away from my therapy since I trust her so much and she's helped me this far. So I look forward to more Terry Therapy.

New Year Celebrations
I did exactly nothing for New Years. I thought about hitting a strip club or looking for something local. I thought what the hell. I won't go out and drink. I just had a need to be around people. Then I go lazy, turned on the TV, watched Dick Clark slur his speech and went to sleep.

I thought about calling Rebecca and us going out. She's kind of a New Year's habit. Even last year we both thought about asking the other out but neither of us acted on it. This year I thought she would be with her worthless ex-boyfriend; the disbarred lawyer, the idiot she dated before me. To my surprised she didn't. I thought she spent both Christmas and New Years with him. He's just her fall back. She ended up spending both holidays with her ex-husband, his wife and her daughter. I thought that if she didn't spend it with dipshit she'd have some date. I'm surprised she didn't.

Unlucky in Life
The other ex, Violet, is just one chain reaction of bad luck. I have no idea on where I left off on her story since my last blog. I guess I could go look it up but I won't. In brief, her kidney infection has gotten worse. The good news is her insurance from her job has kicked in. So she's no longer getting gouged on medication. It's unbelievable what they charge the uninsured for medication. Anyway, the infection didn't respond to some of the meds they gave her so she was hospitalized. She's now on stronger meds and has to go weekly to the doctor for six months. She told her that if she didn't keep up with the follow up visits and meds that she will end up in the hospital again and things will only get worse.

I hope it sinks it. Violet called me the other day and said she didn't feel much better. I stressed to her that it has only been a week since she's been on the intense program. It needs time. I told her not to get discouraged. I also told her to bring up her depression with her doctor. It's very important that she gets medication for it. I told her not to get discouraged with depression medication to. That what ever she's prescribed it will more than likely take about three weeks to kick in fully. I haven't talked to her in a couple of days so I should hear from her today.

Sophia
Nothing much to report on that front. I called her on New Years Day and wished her well. We talked briefly. I told her that I will be getting my license back soon and I hoped to see her soon. She said she's looking forward to seeing me to.

I'm still clinging to some hope that we may end up together. We were headed that way until I fucked up and ended up with drunk driving conviction. I know the bullshit, if it was meant to be it will happen. Whatever....stick that bullshit where the sun doesn't shine.

Family Front
I haven't written much about my family lately. Mainly because I'm turning back into my usual grouch of a person. I didn't talk to them on New Years and only had a brief ten second call to my mom on Christmas.

So the only news I have is from my two favorite nephews. The first is good news. My brother's second kid called me to tell me he's getting married. It's not a surprise since they've been dating for about two or three years. I told him as long as there's not a home football game I'll be at the wedding. People think I'm joking. I'm not. I asked my mom if his girlfriend is a Bigfoot. My mom asked why? I said cause like the Yeti, I always hear about her but I've never seen her. I won't believe it until I see her. As far as I'm concerned, his fiance, the Yeti, the Easter Bunny and Santa are all the same person.

The other is scary news. My sister's six year old has two lumps in his neck and one under his armpit. It has us all scared. He's been to the doctor. At first the doctor said just to observe it for two weeks. Now my nephew is starting to undergo testing to try and figure out what's going on. Mumps and mono have been ruled out. It may be a viral infection. It may be worse but I tell my mom and my sister not to think about that. We'll deal with it if it gets worse. But right now they follow doctor's orders and pray for the best. I seriously doubt it's anything to serious. I, of course, can't convey that feeling to my mom and sister. They are both near hysterics and I'm sure my brother-in-law is to. I really think the kid will be okay.

Snakes on a Dream
I've had two really vivid dreams over the last few night/days.

The snake one was the first two nights ago. There is more to it but I can't remember it. What I do remember is very vivid and in bright realistic color. I'm standing over an large aquarium and I see a snake hidden under decorative fallen log. A fish is swimming closer to the log. As the fish gets closer, the snake moves his head into position to strike if the fish gets close enough. The fish gets in range and the snake nabs it at a blur. Then the snake starts to coil around the fish like a boa constrictor and eventually starts to eat the fish.

Then a really bizarre thing happens. I watch almost the same sequence of events. This time though I'm watching from the other side of the aquarium and below the water line.

The second dream was yesterday after I had worked the night shift. In the dream I don't know where I'm at. I'm not sure if I'm in a building, parking garage or a cave. Off in the distance is the entrance to where I'm at. Suddenly the bottom starts to fall out and the entrance seems further away. I start running up an incline to get to the opening. It seems to be a cave in or an earthquake but something causes where I'm at to shift. When I get to the entrance I find it so small I can't fit through it. There are at least two other people trapped in there with me. I look outside where I see and hear people moving around. I don't know if they are trying to rescue us or have no clue. I yell out and one person waves to acknowledge they heard me. I still have no clue about a rescue though.

Me and the others start to walk away from the opening. I'm not sure if we are looking for another way out. The ground begins to move and shake again. I start running back to the entrance hoping that it opens enough for me to run out. No luck. I still can't fit through. Anxiety and desperation start to set it. I feel completely helpless.

Then I wake up. It was a relief to wake up in my bed. When I finally get my wits about me I realize how realistic the dream was. I had been genuinely scared and desperate when I woke up. I felt like a big burden had been lifted or I had been spared something horrible by waking up.

I don't believe in dream interpretation but I think there is something squirrelly going on. I dream goofy realistic dreams before. This time though I think something is different. I've googled dreams and the dreams I've had. Snakes in dreams mean so many things I can't even think what they mean in mine. I can't find anything on cave in dreams yet.

Oh well, I'm getting sleepy. I do like working nights instead of days. I sleep better. I'm going to go watch the new episode of Lost. One of the few TV shows I enjoy.

Good night.