I'm Back, New Job

I had a fucking blast on my little time in the woods. I fished, looked for alligators, hiked, visited historic sites, stalked a bird and ate ungodly amounts of food.

Then I started my new job. At first I was a little apprehensive. Yeah, I worked there before. I know people there. I know the product. I know the systems. I know the computers. Yet, I didn't know the new testing. I worked in the same building ten years ago but I worked in a different section. I have to learn a whole new set of lab tests. Had I been returned to my old section I could have skated. Ten years is a long time but I still remember how to run a lot of those tests. It wouldn't take me near as long to train.

The good news is I get to work straight days for at least four to six months while I train. The eve better news is that if someone in front of me on seniority list dies or retires, I move u one slot and get a permanent straight day job. That's the reasoning management gave me for placing me in the new section. It's where they expect the next retirement to occur so they saw no point to train me for a few months only for me to have to move and train again. Not like I really have a choice. I got my marching orders and I have to go. In this economy I'm grateful for my job.

My training hasn't gone to bad. My trainer isn't the friendliest guy. He doesn't like to be bothered. He had me follow him around the first two days but told me to go away every once in a while. So I went and met the new people and reintroduced myself to my old coworkers. The second two days I did a lot of hands on. I could tell he was getting frustrated with me sometimes. I made a few mistakes but hey this is all new to me. He's taking a sensei-grasshopper approach to the training. He keeps emphasizing that he's passing on all his 18 years experience to me. I just nod and smile while thinking I need to hurry up and finish training.

The Scallops
I have a new name for my gay raving douchebag neighbors: "The Scallops." In college I worked at a video store where a prerequisite for management was to be a homosexual. Straight people were allowed to work there but only one manager was straight. The "girls" always referred to a woman or other gay man they didn't like as a scallop. So I figure it's a nice insulting thing to call my neighbor the gay douchebag. Hello, you little scallop.

The Car
I took my car in to get checked out. The good news is the engine is in great shape. I need to do some preventative maintenance like changing out the hoses, timing belt and heater hoses. The mechanic said it should last several years if I take care of it. Else I'll end up stranded on the side of the road some where. He figures around $800 for the work.

The bad news is that it looks like shit. Lily's brother painted it for me two years ago when it oxidized real bad. It was a stop gap measure. Hey I paid the guy $400 under the table. So I took it to a friend of a friend of mine. He gave me an estimate of $1900. He showed me the before and after pictures of his work. He does incredible work. Some the cars looked like total crap. It may seem like a steep price but the dealership is closer to $3000.

My reasoning is that fixing up the car for around $4000 is better than getting into a car note for the next five years. I gotta spend that overtime money on something that makes me feel happy. The teeth are a necessity. The car is my luxury.

The Women
I hear from them all but still haven't hadI a chance to see Sophia. I know it's a process to win her heart back.

Rebecca called me on Mother's Day to wish me a happy father's day. She cracked me up.

Of course came the moan and groan from Violet. Why didn't you call me she asked me today. Mother fuck woman. Your my friend. Not my mother, not my wife and not the mother of my children. Why the fuck should I call on mother's day?

As usual she asks me if I've heard from Rebecca. I told her about the father's day joke. Violet didn't laugh. A friend of mine said Violet is scared of losing me. I told my friend she lost me years ago. Violet last week twice told me to stay away from any of the new girls from work. At first I thought maybe she was joking. The second time she said it I don't think she was. She's starting to remind me of Rose on "Two and a Half Men." I'm expecting to finder climbing through my patio window any day now.

I made myself promise I won't spend so much time with her anymore. Yet I still find myself hanging out with her. I went and had lunch with her today. Tonight I'm going over to her place to watch a movie. I must fucking be bored. Maybe I'm better off hammering a nail through my dick.

Tomorrow is Terry Therapy Session day. She laughed because I called her in the middle of my camping trip to set up my therapy session for the month. She said,"Wow. Camping and you need therapy." We had a good laugh about it.

That's it for now. I'm going to go meet Violet. God I'm so stupid. Sophia, I need you to take me away from this broad.

THE FO SHIZZLE POPE-IZZLE