Terry Therapy Session XV

I think I'm on my 15th session with Terry. I'm to lazy to look it up so I'm going with 15 here on forward.

It wasn't a bad session. As usual we talked about me maintaining my sobriety and the things I'm doing to stay that way. For example, my camping trip was one way I'm keeping myself busy and out of trouble.

She asked me if I still had thoughts about drinking. I said of course. Not only during my camping trip but at the NFL draft party I went to. Sitting at home on my off days, I think about drinking to. But they are just thoughts. I don't linger on it. I have my thoughts about it, push them out of my brain and go on my way. Sure, even though I'm randomly tested at work, I know I can get away with it. But what if I slip up at the wrong time? To me it isn't worth the price of losing my job. Terry said it's good I have the thoughts but can deal with it. She said the thoughts are different from urges. Urges are stronger. Since my thoughts are fleeting she doesn't see any real danger. She also told me that as more time passes the thoughts won't be as often and some day they will disappear completely.

Terry asked how's the love life? I laughed and said what love life. I did tell her my concerns with both Rebecca and Violet. I told her about the whining both did at Valentine's that I didn't call or send flowers. I told her about the night of the harpies with Rebecca's friends. I told her that Violet is the one that concerns me more. She's getting possessive of me and expects things from me that a boyfriend or sometimes husband does. Not a friend.

Terry said I need to be careful because women can take some actions from a man that he's interested in them. In my case it's more dangerous since both women are my ex-girlfriends. She says what I may view as just hanging out, movies and dinner may start to form in their minds that we are back together again. Even though there is no romance they can start think, "Well I have a boyfriend." Oy vay, I don't really want to deal with that. Terry then laughed and said,"Isn't it great to be love?" I told her no. Instead I thought it was pretty scary.

Terry just urged me to proceed with caution with both. My biggest fear is Violet. Rebecca can rebound pretty quick. She can be cold or at least put up a strong front when she want. I told Terry my fear is Violet will be devastated when I start dating again. She agreed with me that if Violet causes me grief over a new girlfriend that I have to cut Violet completely out of my life. I'd hate to be I can't sacrifice my happiness over her.

Those were the big topics we talked about. We talked some about my new assignment with BOC (BIG OIL Company - my employer) and how I was adjusting to that. Family matters and how my mother is finally leaving me alone. We even talked briefly about my future with BOC and when I think I'd like to leave and retire. My thing is this. As long as I'm healthy I still want to work. If reach retirement age (55 at BOC) and I still need to work, I see no reason to leave BOC. If I can leave and don't need the income, I'd like to travel and pursue maybe a second career. 55 is to young to sit around and sniff the seats where old women have sat.

Sophia
I don't know what to say about Sophia. There really isn't much to say. She's either really busy, has a boyfriend or is playing hard to get.

The New Job
I'm in week two of training. I can tell my trainer gets really annoyed with me. I feel like telling him,"Look mother fucker, you've been doing this shit for 18 years. I've been doing it for exactly five days. Back the fuck off." But I don't. I just nod my head and go with the flow. Underneath though I'm boiling. I was going to finish up with him this week but I decided after this morning's fiasco that I'm not ready to sign off yet. He'll have to deal with me one more week. He told me not to listen to management. He doesn't like to train more than two weeks but for me to take my time and learn the job right. He won't pressure me to finish up.

Big sign that I'm slightly peeved about training? My blood pressure is fucking high. 154/90 when I took it the other day while on break. We have a machine at work. My normal blood pressure at the docs and other times I've taken it is around 128/78. I can see I'm slightly aggravated.

I'm wrapping up my long session now. There is more I want to write but I need to sleep and be bright eyed and angry at work tomorrow. The beauty of my job is my work week is over on Tuesday.

Oh wait one more quick thing.

The Scallops are Boy Toys?
I wrote about my gay neighbors the Scallops last time. We have assigned parking in my building. The car next to me at first was driven by a Arnold Schwarzenegger Terminator wanna be. He's the kind of douche bag that wears a leather jacket, black shirt, sunglasses and shaves his head. Other than looking like a douche, he looks normal. In case you haven't guessed it, I think everybody in my apartment building is a douche bag. I live in Douche Bag Central. After some time passes, I met the Scallops and then noticed they also parked next to me. I didn't think much more of it. I thought maybe they had lent someone the car. Hadn't seen Arnold Douche-a-nator lately. That is until yesterday. As I was drilling a hole in my car floorboard (that's another story), Arnie the Douche walks by and gets in the Scallop-mobile. Then it dawned on me. I only see Arnie occasionally but I see the Scallops running amok and doing whatever it is gay men who don't work full time do. I think the Scallops, both of them, are Arnie's Boy Toys. I think Arold the Douchebag keeps these gay Asian guys on the side. Even if he doesn't, it's fun to speculate. Whatever, all three are douchebags. Actually I take it back. The little fag and Awnald are douches. The other gay dude at least says hi and isn't snooty like the other two.

Okay, good night,
Your Scallop Observing Pope-a-nator