Swirling Thoughts

I some how survived the cold snap. Actually I didn't do shit. I sat home all weekend but went to a movie on Friday afternoon.

Rebecca and I had plans to go out but I didn't call her until Sunday. I just didn't feel like going out.

Instead I pretty much cooked all weekend, read and watched TV. I didn't really need the down time since my work weeks have been short the last two weeks after my overtime marathon.

Lately I've had a lot of thing swirling through my mind. I called my therapist on Thursday looking for an appointment but she never called back. I'm going to try again tomorrow.

So what's been swirling? Nothing major. Just thinking about things in the past, the future and other minor things.

I've wondered how Violet is doing. Is she okay. Did she come back from Mexico? Did she ever go to Mexico? I doubt no matter what she's doing she's miserable. Or will be soon. She can only be happy temporarily. She needs help in the worst way. She thinks money and love will solve her issues. Sometimes I think she equates money to love. There is something twisted and not completely functioning in that woman's mind. I feel sad sometimes when I thing about her. Not cause I don't see her anymore. Sad that she's gone through life 40+ years without truly knowing happiness. When she is happy it's only fleeting. It's a very sad life she's lived.

I'm glad this last go around with her, not romantically thank goodness, that I didn't let her drag me down with her. Twice I've been down that road. Twice I let her get her hooks into me and destroy me. The years we were together she wasn't just in my heart and mind. Violet occupied my soul. She was in my blood. Even when we broke up, both times, I could never shake her bonds. I'm not sure when or where but Violet was filtered out of me. I'm almost sure it was before me and Rebecca ended up together. Once I fell in love with Rebecca I knew Violet was out of me forever. Even the female companion I had between Rebecca and Violet couldn't take her out of me. I'm just glad she's gone now.

Yeah, I had another woman between breaking up with Violet and before hooking up with Rebecca. A Colombian beauty. I don't talk much about her cause she didn't impact my life the way Violet and Rebecca did. Don't get me wrong, she left her scars on me and emotional damage but I guess not deep enough. I only spent a year with her where as it was five with Violet and four with Rebecca. I guess one year's worth of damage isn't as bad as nine with the other two.

My mind then thinks about these things and other stuff with friends. I just spins and spins and spins....