So I'm enjoying my down time when Rebecca calls. She was out having drinks and asked me to join her. I hemmed and hawed about it. Finally I said yes. What the hell else was I going to do?It takes me about 45 minutes to get there. I'm in a pretty good mood. We start talking and bullshitting like the good friends were are. I sighed internally cause she was looking damn hot and just knowing that we used to be together for four years brought a flood of memories back. Don't get me wrong, I'd never go back with her. Also I don't normally get all melancholy when I hang out with her. For some reason that night I did.
Somewhere during the course of the conversation it hit me. What we talked about was all about her. She doesn't ask me how work is going, what's happening with my life or even about my mom (who she usually asks about). As we are talking I start replaying some of our recent conversations in my head. It's when I realized that either she has no interest in what really is going on with me or she's just turned into a self centered brat. She talked endlessly about herself, her daughter, her store and our dinner and her drinks. I tried to change the subject but couldn't. Oh well, I just went with it. Why bang my head against the wall.
I take back some of what I wrote about her being completely self centered. We had a conversation about how I was doing with my sobriety. She tells me how wonderful it is for me and how much she thinks about me taking the steps needed to get my life together. She leaned over and kissed me several times when we talked about it.
After dinner she tells me she's going down to the boardwalk and to one of her favorite haunts and asked me to go. I went but about 30 minutes or so I had enough. She was drunk and dancing solo on the floor looking like a fool. I decided that a trip to the strip joint was in order. If she was going to act the fool at least let's doing it in a more appropriate environment.
So we went. And it was miserable. Things started off well. She was happy and tipping the dancers. The more Rebecca drank the more snippy she got with people. I could tell by the look on her face she wasn't having a good time anymore. She wanted to go to another strip club but I told her no. She kept on pounding her drinks. Then she announced she was ready to go home. I was relieved to get out of there. I should have gone by myself.
Earlier in the evening she told me an acquaintance of ours stopped by her store and told her something. Rebecca didn't tell me what this woman told her and I'm not sure I wanted to know. On the drive home, Rebecca started rambling about her daughter, making a will and then about what the acquaintance told her. As drunk as she was, I couldn't get it out of her what was said. All I could tell is that it was something that really bothered her.
Sunday I thought about calling her but decided to let her stew in her misery and hangover.
I called her today but she didn't pick up. I'm not surprised. She hardly ever picks up her phone.
In the past, like the way Violet's moods used to affect me, Rebecca's misery and foul mood would have brought me down. Not anymore. I love her as a friend but I'm no longer in love with her. She'll always be one of my dearest friends. She's stood by me through thick and thin but she no longer brings me down and I won't fall with her either.
She's a train wreck right now. Her drinking is out of control. She admitted as much to me but she also doesn't want to alter her habit. I can't do anything for her but be there for when, if, she's ready. I pray she doesn't go down the path I went but she's headed that way. I know. I've been down that road to many times.
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