The Eve of Life?

I had my first date with Mary Jane last Sunday. More on that and other things later.

My friend's mother died recently. Tonight was the visitation. Thankfully it was closed casket. I can't stand seeing the body of person I don't know. Relatives is one thing but someone I don't know personally bothers me.

As usual with such circumstances one reflects on life. I look back on some of the things I've been through and done. I realized I have few regrets. My drinking, my DWIs, Sophia are about the only things in my life I've let get away from me. The ex-girlfriends I don't regret. Even if things didn't work out, I got to know love and closeness and tenderness. I know in the future I more than likely will again.

I'm going to be 42. At this age I don't think many of my friends see the end. I don't sense the end yet but I know 20 or 30 years down the year I will see it. Does it bother me? Not in the least. I'm not afraid of death. I don't want to die just yet but when my time comes I believe I can handle it.

In reality I'd love to live to be at least a 100 with my wit and dry sense of humor still intact. Since I don't have or want children, I'd like to die with a dear friend, spiritual adviser or an still unborn great niece or nephew. It's not a sad thought. It's reality.

I hope when I pass on that people celebrate my life. I don't want mourning. I want the people who I care about to smile or laugh when they think of me. The ones I don't like or care about I don't give a shit what they think.

Happy thoughts tonight...night.