Shards of Sophia Part 2

Since Mila mentioned she knew Sophia, I've been thinking a lot about Sophia.

Further thinking led me to another conclusion. Thinking about Sophia isn't fair to Mila or me. I have this budding friendship and possible relationship with Mila. Of course I haven't told Mila my thoughts of Sophia. I can't think of a faster way to undermine any chance with Mila by lingering on Sophia.

I never loved Sophia. I never had the chance to fall in love with her. I cared, strongly, for her. She will never know it but she had a big part in me getting my life back on track after the DWI and Depression era (see two posts ago about the Eras). It was hope she gave me of a relationship that drove me to getting my life back together.

I wonder if it was a test. Part of the process of getting my life together. I'm presented with this hope for happiness and love. Sophia, for reason still unknown, flaked out and disappeared on me. My guess is she didn't want to wait anymore and moved on. So my shot at happiness was gone for the moment.

In the past I would have drank myself into a stupor. I would have drank myself silly. Yet I had grown as a person in the crucible of sobriety and self examination. This time was different. This time I was already in therapy and I used that as an outlet versus the drink. Even before Mila, I thought occasionally of what a life with Sophia would have been like.

So now Mila walks into my life unexpectedly. I'm not prepared for her. I wasn't looking for anyone. I just was being my usual self in life. I go long periods without anyone and then someone is there. Is Mila going to work out? I don't know. Are we going to advance pass the friendship phase? Again I don't know. That's what makes it exciting. First I have a new woman in my life. Just friends for now. Yet there is some romance already. Whether it progress remains to be seen.

Mila may be the right one. The woman people talk about being the one. I don't believe in all that. I believe that if I meet and find someone and it works out....great. If it doesn't well it doesn't. The only way to find out is to give all my attention and energy to Mila. I can't let thoughts of Sophia derail me.

Mila, I pledge that Sophia is the past. It took a remarkable woman like you Mila to drive that Shard of Sophia out of my heart. From this point on, it's Mila time and Mila only. It's the fair and right approach to both of us...to pursue a relationship with a clean sheet.