Shards of Sophia

A little back story as it relates to the other night.

The Sophia/Rebecca Decision

A few years ago when I was with Rebecca I met Sophia. The first time I saw her I thought she was incredibly beautiful. I met her while me, Rebecca and Rebecca's friend went out. Sophia was the friend of the friend. There was an obvious spark but I was in a relationship with Rebecca and what I thought was in love with her. That is open for debate by others but I was in love with her.

So what happens next is one night I went out to the same club where we all went that night. Not looking for Sophia or her other friend. I liked the place and that was it. Well I ran into Sophia that night. We started talking and she admitted that she was instantly attracted to me. Even years later, her exact words are still etched in my mind and heart. She said,"I met you that night and thought that guy....wow. He's amazing." We had a good time that night and exchanged phone numbers with plans to see each other again. She knew how I felt about Rebecca but it didn't deter Sophia.

She knew what she was getting into with me and was trying to wrest me away from Rebecca. Things were starting to turn south for me and Rebecca. So I was caught between two women I truly cared for. Things hadn't tanked yet with Rebecca. There was still a lot of love, fun and hope for that relationship.

Yet there was this remarkable woman in Sophia chasing me. She wasn't looking for a lay. She was looking for something more serious.

I had a decision to make. For first time in my life I had to choose between two women. Did I stay with the woman I thought I loved and continue on a course that could lead a lifetime of happiness? Or do I move on to some one new and exciting but uncertain about?

In the end, I decided to stay with the woman I loved and move on from Sophia. I hindsight I made the wrong decision.

Fast Forward Five Years
A couple of weeks ago, I met Mila. (As usual, not her real name but close enough.) I was hanging with another woman but only friends with. Mila started off the night talking and laughing. She told me how much fun she had and we kissed lightly.

Two nights ago I see her again. We have a good time drinking, laughing and telling stories. We even held hands, she moved my hands down to her leg when we sat at the table. We even kissed a few more times. Mila let her hands run along my arms and hair. She has a boisterous laugh that sound full of life. She's gorgeous. In a quiet moment, she leans over to me and whispers,"You're so handsome." We enjoy the rest of the night. I can't help but tell her how pretty she is. And it's the damn truth...she's beautiful.

She started talking about the different people she's seen and gone over the years at the bar and club we were hanging out at. Something tugged at my heart. I said to myself don't bring it up. Then she mentioned Sophia's friend.

My heart stopped. I froze for a few seconds, then I asked,"Did you know Sophia?"

"Oh my God yes. She's beautiful. So petite and just so nice." Yup that was my Sophia.

Mila then asked me,"What ever happened to her? Do you know?"

"Yes." I briefly filled her in on a few relevant parts of the Sophia/Pope story. Then I told her where Sophia went to work and her career.

"I really screwed up with letting her go."

"But did you know how she felt about you?" Mila asked.

"Yes. She made it obvious what she wanted. She's a remarkable woman who walked into my life and wanted me in her life. I made a mistake."

"If you knew how she felt then you did screw up. But we all make mistakes and have regrets. You can't let it linger."

"I did make the wrong decision but then again I don't know if me and Sophia would have made it either."

Mila was sweet to listen to that. It was years ago so Sophia poses no threat to any budding relationship to Mila. I reassured Mila as much.

After all that, she told me more about her self. Something that I'll share on a Mila episode. End of the night we exchanged numbers and hoped to see each other more often.

I hope we do. It would be nice to have someone to go eat with, go to movie with, concerts etc. You know a lady to date.

It's not that I miss Mary Jane. I miss having someone to do things with on a consistent basis.

That's the soap opera version of the Pope's Life.