One Man Soccer Hooligan

One Man Soccer Hooligan

Thank God I was born in the USA where soccer does not have the fanatical following it has in other countries. I'm not an instigator but I am a finisher. Wednesday night gives further proof that I am the one man soccer hooligan.

The game featured Club America vs. Houston Dynamo. The Super Liga features four of Mexico's best clubs playing four of MSL's best clubs for bragging rights as the best club in North America plus a $1 million prize to the winning club.

Club America is a storied futbol club from Mexico City. Basically Club America is to Mexican futbol as the Dallas Cowboys are to the NFL. The Houston Dynamo are defending champs of the North American domestic league (12 U.S. teams and 1 Canada team). Mexican futbol fans look down their collective noses at U.S. soccer despite the fact that US soccer has put its collective foot in Mexico's ass. (Note: I'm deliberately avoiding the use of America when referring to the US team and fans to avoid confusion with the Mexican futbol club).

As I arrived at the stadium, the crowd seemed heavily in favor of the Mexican side with plenty of Club America yellow and blue jersey's. If I had to guess, I'd say it was about 60-40 based on colors only. Seeing the yellow and blue was starting to piss me off. The more of those colors I saw the more determined I was to buy a new orange Dynamo jersey. After the gates opened, I went straight to the shop and bought Dwayne De Rosario's No. 14 shirt. I also bought a Dynamo scarf. Scarves are by far the coolest soccer gear available. Go to a real soccer bar and scarves from favorite clubs are every where.

Right before the game started the numbers started to even out more as the Orange and the Yellow & Blue jerseys split about 50-50. That's when the shit talking started by the Mexican fans. They definitely were more vocal than Dynamo fans. The men three rows behind me were especially vocal and liquored up. The one wearing a yellow jersey was extremely vocal. He yelled cuss words in Spanish and called one of the Dynamo players a "pinche negro." He was getting pretty racial on the black players.

Sometime early in the match the man behind me went to the concession stands to buy something for him and wife. That's when drunk yellow jersey guy saw my shirt with De Rosario's number 14. He yelled to me,"Hey, el pinche negro De Rosario te chinga to madre! I say De Rosario fucks you mother in case you don't speak Spanish!" I just glared at him and shrugged my shoulders and fought my instinct to say,"Oh si, oiy que De Rosario te chinga to padre en su culo." (Oh yeah, I heard that De Rosario fucks your dad in his ass). I didn't though. I used a different tactic. I verbally attacked his favorite team at every chance I got for the rest of the first half.

Every time a Club America player went down I started yelling out loud,"Waaaah, waaaaah, waaaaah...come on you big baby, get up and play...no blood no harm..." I was relentless on what I said. Loud and obnoxious. Every time Club America missed a shot on goal I'd yell,"Gooooool! Goooool! Goooooo!...oh, no Goooool, no Goooool...que lastima." I said many obnoxious things through out the game.

In the 42nd minute, Dynamo's Nate Jagua scored much to the Mexican's display. I just looked up at my verbal opponent and smiled. His friend got pissed and started dancing like a woman to mock the Dynamo's fans celebration. I just held up both hands to indicate 1-0.

It reached a crescendo around the 60th minute. A Club America player fouled a Dynamo hard and took him to the ground. The ref issued a yellow card to the offending player. I hadn't had a chance to say a thing. Mr. Drunk Yellow Jersey had enough. The beer came flying from behind me. It missed but splattered every one in front of me for four rows.

Immediately he sat down and tried to look innocent. Didn't work. They all turned around and talked shit to him and asking if they wanted them to come up there. Some British guy had enough and said,"That's it, he has to go." Remember Yellow has been yelling obscenities in English and Spanish and racial ones at the Dynamo's black players too. The Brit went down the tunnel and when he came back two security guards were with him. He pointed out Yellow and next came the police. The two cops went up there and told him he didn't have to come but it was wise to cause they were going
to take him. Yellow didn't put up a fight and left albeit with his arm twisted behind him. I guess the cops were just taking precautions.

Me being the asshole that I am gave the cops a standing ovation and the guy in front of me did the same. Of course I had to start singing,"Sha na na na, Sha na na naaa, hey hey good bye...sha na na na, sha na na na, hey hey good bye..."

In case you give a rat's ass, 1-0 was the final score.

E Pluribus Enum. It's Sunday and I know I have something to do but what? Mass?
Pope JP3