Terry Therapy Sessions XII

Nothing ground breaking as usual. Most of the therapy session was reinforcing what I've accomplished in staying sober.

I like the way our sessions start. More of a bullshit session for about the first ten minutes or so.

Then we got into the session. She asked me if I went home for Thanksgiving. No, I had to work. She asked me if any drama from my brother's wife. None that I heard of.

She then asked me about any urges about drinking. I told her I did have the thoughts when I'm at football games. But the thoughts pass right away. I tell myself what the hell am I thinking? I then put the thought out of my head and continue to enjoy the games. She said that I was developing the right thought processes to help keep myself sober.

Then the topic of AA came up. I told her, which is true, that I attend about three or four meetings a month. I'm supposed to go to two a week but AA just isn't for me. We discussed how AA can be a tool for me but I don't have to immerse myself in the 12 steps. If what I'm doing is working for me then that's good enough.

I told her about the meeting I like to go to when I'm in Houston. It's great. It's at a rehab place and it's predominately black. Sometimes the meetings turn more into a Christian revival atmosphere. People yell out,"Tell it, brother" or "Yessir, that's the way it is" and other similar phrases. Once I get my license back I plan on attending those meetings but it won't be my home group. I told her I'm looking for a new group because the local one where I'm at isn't really worth a flip.

She says, and I've heard and agree with, that it is important to find a home group where I fit in and works with my personality. That doesn't mean I have to be locked into that group. Instead it will serve as a base in case I really do find myself on the brink. I can go to people in my own home group and trust them since I've come to know them. Also to make friends that I can interact socially with and not have to worry about drinking.

She also said,"Who knows? Maybe you'll meet the love of your life in a group. Someone who is sober and strong and has walked the path that you have." The thought has crossed my mind. It would be something if I could find someone who has been sober a significant amount of time and a relationship develops. No I'm not giving up on Sophia just yet.

I then started talking about my plans once I get my drivers license back. Number one on the list is getting the hell away from this crappy shit hole of a city that I live in. No one has had the time to take me looking for apartments so I'm going to have to move to my back up place. Terry asked if I was just settling or was it a place I liked. I told her it was where I was going to move initially before I got my DWI charge.

Also touched on how I'm trying to improve my health that I've neglected all the years I've been drinking. I said I'm going to be 40 and need to start taking care of myself. I have the mental aspect down with the medications that help with my depression. I haven't had an episode since June. I'm now going after the physical aspects. My cholesterol count was high for the third year in a row. Diet hadn't been getting it done so the doctor finally relented and put me on medication to bring it down. Next is my dental health. I had started working on my teeth back in 2006 but let it go to the wayside. I finally went back and had one root canal done and will be getting the invisaline mouth piece to straighten my upper teeth. Then after the year that will take I will start working on fixing my chipped teeth from long ago drunken dancing fall.

I told Terry that come February 15, 2009 I'm putting it all behind me. The drinking, the bad relationships, the shithole place I live in and just starting the new chapter in my life. She laughed as said it was a great attitude to have. Moving on and leaving the garbage behind along with taking physical care of myself was a great way to view the future. I told her part of it was self esteem issues. So by taking care of not only my mental put appearance to it is helping with the self image.

Finally we touched on one more subject. My new coworker whom I cannot stand. I'm not going to delve to deep into the subject. Suffice it to say he knows no personal boundaries and doesn't know when to shut the fuck up. He asks to many personal questions and tell to much of his personal life and marital problems. It's just highly inappropriate since his wife is a supervisor out there and I know her. I really don't need to know this. Well, I told Terry that I finally got really sick of him and lashed out with a very ugly joke. He didn't take to it well. To be honest, it didn't bother me what I said. Put in the same situation I'd probably do it again. What I asked Terry is why do I lash out like that? She really didn't have an answer. She did say that I was correct in telling him to back off but I need to find more civil ways of handling those situations. Next time just tell him,"Look man, back off. Your crossing lines I don't want to discuss. You invading my personal space." To be firm and state my exact position on his intrusions. I'll try but I can't promise anything.

Until Next time.....Semper Fidelis (I know it's not a Pope thing but it's Latin and that's close enough for me...)
Signing off from a Shithole city in Texas,
Pope John Paul III