Who hit the snooze alarm?

Saturday night I went out with Rebecca. She sure has been awfully nice to me lately. I have a good time with her but the trust is gone forever. I was working Saturday and thought to myself,"Call Rebecca." Nah, just go home, eat and watch a movie. About 15 minutes before I leave work Rebecca calls. She asks what I'm doing and we ended up making plans to meet for dinner.

Rebecca is a character to say the least. Her ex-husband dropped a business proposal on her. He's not only a crook but a bad crook at that. Anyway, I don't want to go into details of the deal. I'll only say that it involves a lot of money and while it maybe legal there is a lot of gray area in it. I just told her what it was none of my business and also informed her what I new about the law concerning their deal. She told me that's why she told me about the deal cause I wouldn't judge her and I would give my honest opinion and the straight deal about consequences. She then invited me to go out to the place where she met that other guy. I told her no. It was getting late and I had to go to work in the morning.

Silly me. I only had a couple of drinks with dinner so I didn't even have a buzz. I stopped to get some gas and while there I picked up some beer. I really didn't think I drank that much of it once I got home. When I got up for work Sunday morning I saw the last song on my computer that I had listened to. Okay Willie Nelson is cool but his version of "Silent Night"?

Sunday night I ended up seeing Lily. She's gotten herself into deep shit financially. She mentioned she was close to foreclosure on her house. The good news is that the company she's working for hired her full time so she's getting a good sized raise and benefits for her and her kids. We had a nice dinner and a little groping afterwards but the Pope didn't hit a homerun.

And now for some official papal business.

Like every king needs a court and every rap star needs an entourage, every pope needs his posse too. So tonight I'm installing my first cardinals and bishops. I thought long and hard and vetted everyone so as not to embarrass my papacy. Each was looked at and selected based on their overall service and contributions to human kind. So without further ado I introduce:
Cardinal Orethnal James Simpson - an outstanding athlete in college and professional football. Several years after his playing days were over he still manages to stay in the public eye.

Cardinal Ike Turner - for adding to our culture with his music.

Cardinal Ted Kennedy - for his and his family's political and philanthropic contributions to the American society.

Cardinal Robert Blake - for Beretta. I mean come on saying "Beretta" and I don't have to explain it any further.

Cardinal Scott Baio - from his Wikipedia entry ( we all know dating really means fucking in this case):
Baio is also famous for dating several actresses, among them, Pamela Anderson, Erika Eleniak, Nicole Eggert, Natalie Raitano, Nicolette Sheridan, Brooke Shields, Denise Richards, Julie McCullough, and Heather Locklear. In his VH1 reality series Scott Baio Is 45...and Single, he admits to losing his virginity to Erin Moran. In July 2007, he told E!: Entertainment Television's Ted Casablanca that he and current girlfriend Renee Sloan are expecting a baby in December....On the show Baio admitted that Playboy quietly banned him from the mansion for a period of time in the late 80's since he had dated each of that year's Playboy Playmates and then some, totaling 24. A spokeswoman from Playboy called Scott and told him that he needed to "slow down" and some of the Playmates he was with were also involved with Hugh Hefner.

Please join me in welcoming the new cardinals....

A B C...easy as 1 2 3, even the Pope needs to sing
Goodnight from the Sistine Chapel,
Pope John Paul III