The Terry Therapy Sessions IV

Went to therapist today. Good session but nothing groundbreaking. We talked about my vacation and how it went with my family.

We also discussed my anxiety on going back to work and the feelings I get from working the day shift. She agrees with my shrink that it is the adjustment period after being gone for six months.

We also talked about my barriers still. One of my stress triggers at work is being forced to work overtime and not having a ride. I told her I might let one of my coworkers on the other shift in on what's going on. I didn't think Andrea would mind and she definitely would keep what I tell her in confidence. I'm not sure if she'll give me a ride but I more than sure I could tell her my situation. Maybe not the whole story but still enough.

We also delved into my aversion to working the day shift. As well as it being the adjustment period to returning to work, I also react to the number of people on around and a fear of exposure to my situation. When I work nights it's only four of us on shift. On days there are more shift members plus technical, clerical and management staff. While the odds are against it, I have a fear of discovery and the number of people around triggers that fear. While I have nothing to fear, the inconvenience of the unannounced drug tests triggers it too.

We talked about the family gatherings and my dislike of going to them. It's not that I don't like my family and not that they don't like me. Part of it is just me being distant from them for so long and not really having much in common with them. Besides work and being blood relatives, I don't share anything with them. Even at family get togethers I find myself talking to just a few people. Like friends my friends, there are just a few family I let completely in my life.

She then asked if I'd always been this way or I was picked on, bullied or intimidated when growing up. No I hadn't. In fact in high school I never lacked for friends. My group was pretty big. I could count about twenty friends. They weren't just my friends. We were all friends. Within that group we had a cliches, conflicts and disputes but it was well known that we were there for each other. If anyone outsider messed with one of us, that person could count on the other guys to have his back.

Another point we touched on is reinforcing my decision making about drinking. That next time I won't have it easy. I will go to jail. No question. No one walks from a fourth DWI. The sentence is 2-10 years. I would destroy me and everything I've worked for. More than likely a judge would probably give me a year for each DWI. I'd probably be looking at four years prison.

I think that's most of what we covered. At least it's the major talking points. I go back next week for another session.